Monday, August 12, 2013

Forgiveness and Acceptance

These three simple words "I am sorry" seems to be the hardest words to say  --- or the hardest words to accept for some. Why so?

Three reasons: Pride, Guilt & Shame.

During this month of forgiveness, I find it odd that some quarters surrounding me find it so hard to just meet in the middle to apologize and/or seek/accept forgiveness. Especially when they are deemed the more (self) 'righteous' ones. 

I have been in situations where I was wronged and have been a wrongdoer too. I feel it is so much easier (for the body,mind and soul) to just apologize. And if one seek forgiveness from me, I accept wholeheartedly and move on. 

An ex was in town recently and my good friend came to hug him to say hello. He was taken aback and apparently, shied away. One thing I NEVER do when I get involved in a little tiff with anyone, is make people choose sides. And that was the same for past relationships of mine. Probably, he expected that from his bunch of friends and family, or that was the decision his 'side' chose to do; but I never did that as I don't expect to choose sides if a friend or family member gets into a feud with someone whom I am well acquainted too. As mum would say, if someone does no wrong to you, why dislike him or her just because someone else does?

I remember a time when someone from the industry spread some really horrible rumors about me (and my child) - the news went to a reporter (and it was published). What was said was really painful. Firstly, because it was all untruths, and two, that was brought up during the darkest phase in my life and I cried. I cried and kept thinking to myself, what wrong did I do to these folks? The thing that really upset me was when my innocent child was dragged in. That was low. Real low.

A few months later, the person involved messaged me. She was heading to the Holy Land for Umrah. I remember reading her message a few times and I was truly happy for her. I was happy that she was at a peaceful phase in her life and I forgave her. Wholeheartedly. I wished her well and prayed for her. 

She arrived safe and blessed. Alhamdulillah.

Friends found out about this. They were annoyed. Some were mad.

"How could you forgive her?"

The truth was, forgiving her made me feel so much lighter -- and I was genuinely happy that she had found love and peace again. Forgiving her was closing that dark chapter in my life. Just like how I forgave those who humiliated me over and over again. 

Fast forward to this day, as mentioned earlier -- some quarters are finding it hard to resume love in their lives for each other. As much as it saddens me, I find it oddly a blessing in disguise. When I hear what I hear (and see), I know my girls are protected from all this. It may not be conventional, but this is my second marriage, and I am putting all I can into sustaining the relationship. So yes. I have quite a bit on my hands right now to worry about trivia extended family feuds. This is their fight. And I will not allow my children to be bogged down by this negativity.

However, I do get sad seeing that special someone feel quite lonely and sad at times when he lets him self go. I think it goes deeper than just sms exchanges. But I will let them handle that spat.

Why is so hard to say sorry?

Because of the 3 reasons stated above. PRIDE, GUILT & SHAME.

You need humility, sincerity and courage to do this. 

We, the Bella Team discuss this topic today on BELLA CONFIDENTIAL. 

Catch the discussion with us this morning at 11am.

Only on your home of FEEL GOOD, ntv7!

1 comment:

  1. may Allah give His blessed and guidance.. and Eid Mubarak..