Sunday, August 8, 2010

How to deal with (bitter) criticism

I like this excerpt from the book 'Don't be Sad'.

Those who are ignorant have uttered curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exists, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people. You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war:it shows no sign of ending.

And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners or wealth. In their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for - unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless and to them, innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insult and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead, forgive them by showing the most beautiful manners. Turn away from them and do feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit. Verily you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticism by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.
"Perish in your rage" (Qur'an 3:119)

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.
If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire to the unattainable.


I've had my share of bitter criticism hurled at me. "Scandalous Iban" (hello...I'm kadazan but thank you cause I think the Ibans are very beautiful folks) and"Controversial woman". Naturally, I was hurt but I've learnt to repent and move on with life. At the end of the day, it's those people who matter whom I should be listening to. If THEY can accept it, then Praise God. If the others can't; I have nothing to lose but their potential friendship- which I guess, I'm better off with.

I read this in the bible:

When we make wrong decisions we must accept our mistakes and apologize. The way we handle criticism is crucial. As Christians we must not become defensive or react in anger. We are called to be patient and wise when we deal with disagreements and conflict. We must listen carefully and respond lovingly. Our response to criticism must be done in a godly manner. As Christians we must accept our mistakes and trust God to set things right.

1 Peter 2:23

So I have listened to the word of God. I have accepted my wrong and have forgiven those who have hurt me in the past. I won't react to the hurtful remarks, or threats - nor will I retaliate. Instead, I will continue doing what I know is good for the child and for the family. And live in harmony with the good around me. I am blessed with kind friends and a wonderful family. I had sworn to myself that noone can bully or hurt me or my child again. NOONE. So with only kind deeds and loving prayers to everyone, shall I be the best that I can - even if some think otherwise.

Sabbath day tomorrow. Next Sunday I hope to see HY at his center after mass. Puasa starts in 3 days. Going to start training the mind and tummy for this. Detox... here I come!

Where can I get yummy kurma? Going to buka with bibik with skim milk and kurma and then have a modest proper dinner after prayers. Need to get my protein shakes.



  1. hey DI, iam ur silent reader, i love the way u thought about religions..of course im muslim, but i dun hate other religion as well. honestly, i like u because of ur natural beauty. i love the way u treat our nature, and i dun really care about ur private life, its ur right, as ur fan. i will always support u!mmuah~

  2. Hi Daphne,

    This is actually the first time that I read your blog. I'm actually quite surprised that you actually read the book 'Don't Be Sad' or 'Jangan Bersedih Lagi'. It was the book that my aunty gave to my mom to read after my father passed away 2 years ago and it helped her with her grief a lot. I like it that you actually think all religion is special in their own way and very surprised that you are actually fasting and going to berbuka together with your Bibik. Even more, that you actually respect her prayer times and only plans to have proper dinner afterwards. This shows how much of a respect that you actually have for another person of a different religion.

    I will definitely come back to your blog again soon, so please do keep writing!

    Nany Rahman

  3. Hi Daphne,

    Your post here is very much related with my situation right now, dealing with bitter critism.
    It's very inspiring & helped me to calm down a bit if not much. I believe we should never be rude no matter how angry we are. There are so many ways to deal with problems & conflicts but being rude is not the solution & clearly inappropriate.
    May we all,including me learn from this beautiful post of yours.


  4. i seriously admire your tolerance and willingness to understand each religion. because i think you realise that each religion has the same underlying foundation. no religion teaches one to be bad, yes?

    i have been an avid reader but this is the first time i am commenting.

    happy ramadan to you and your bibik.

    may god bless us all.

    we need this kind of tolerance more for a better world :)

  5. Daphne, i cannot NOT say nothing about this one. I like how you are willing to search for it. whatever "it" might be. How strong the words from the Quran and Bible speaks to one who wants to believe:)

    an from this i know that nothing can shake your faith:) May God shower his blessings and make everything easy for all of us! amen!

  6. I am humbled and blessed for comments and feedback from you. THANK YOU. God bless you all during the fasting period. It's not too hard actually -- and I think my tummy is thanking me for allowing it some rest!

    ha ha ha!