Sunday, June 7, 2009

Common Fears

I felt so lonely today.

I told someone this and she recommended me a book. I told her that I have so many unread books that I have bought (thank God for tax exemption on reading materials), so she offered to lend me the book once she is done with it.

Have you ever felt alone even though the house is filled with noise and people?

Have you ever thought of death at your happiest moment?

That was how I felt this afternoon. Attempted to play PS3, but fell asleep instead. Tried to get some work done. But ate and ate and ate. And then slept.

Isobel pokes her finger up my nose as she vies for my attention. I open my eyes and smile at her.
Such beautiful eyelashes she has. I gaze at her as she plays with my watch and I can hear the maid calling out for her, as to not disturb me resting.

It is my first weekend I get to sleep in. So motherly-maid is happy to see me get some rest - FINALLY.
What a smart choice to go for Sunset Mass yesterday, so roused late this morning and had a lovely (greasy) breakfast of sausages, burgers, toast and baked beans (TQ Angel of a Chef). Slept in between TV/PS3 gazing/chewing until finally, I got up from my lazy ass to take a walk with Bel at the Park nearby.

Fed some turtles (Bel accidently ate stale bread offered by the kind gentleman who was feeding the fishes at the lake) and watched families laughing. I hug Bel tight and say Thank You to the 'stale bread man'. We waddle around the lake and I count the families around me. I saw at least 15 families and 7 couples. I glance around and see 3 or 4 odd strangers jogging/brisk walking alone; but most of the people at the park were with somebody else.

Isobel and I play peekaboo before I start yawning again. F1 starts in less than an hour, so I decide to go home.

If it weren't for Isobel there walking with me, I would be one of those strangers walking alone. I have no qualms about doing stuff by myself. I just don't want to grow old alone. Who does?

Isobel is going to leave me one day, to be with her family and be a mother and wife to some lucky man and child. I hope she remembers me.

I think I'll make a trip down to Kluang Mall this week. I need some good nasi lemak.


  1. i do so u are not alone ..bel is so adorable!

  2. Hi!

    Are you in Kluang? There're so much great food in Kluang, hope I could show you where! :)

  3. u should look for a companion instead. i mean, besides Bel. honestly, i envy u for having Bel. i was trying for so many years yet luck hasn't come my way. i noticed that u r getting skinnier from the day i saw u in labuan (during the shooting of Belukar). u sure look unhappy. take gd care of yourself ok! Isobel has a long way to go remember.. she's gonna need u beside her. be strong gal!