Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Dance of Intimacy

The remains of the neighbors dog 'Pindik', who always comes to our house. We always assumed Pindik was going to be with us all the time, till a lorry ended its life abruptly.
Feeling super sad right now.

Coming Back to Center in a Relationship

Anyone in a long-term relationship knows that the dance of intimacy involves coming together and moving apart. Early in a relationship, intense periods of closeness are important in order to establish the ground of a new union. Just as a sapling needs a lot more attention than a full-grown tree, budding relationships demand time and attention if they are to fully take root. Once they become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward again, to the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy. Yet, if a long-term relationship is to last, turning towards one another recurrently, with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturance of earlier times, is essential.

In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves. We may have the best intentions when we think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and care if they are to thrive.

One of the best ways to nourish a relationship is through communication. If you feel that a distance has grown between you and your partner, you may be able to bridge the gap by sharing how you feel. Do your best to avoid blame and regret. Focus instead on the positive, which is the fact that you want to grow closer together. Sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between you has the effect of bringing the relationship into balance. In other cases, more intense effort and attention may be required. You may want to set aside time to talk and come up with solutions together. Remember to have compassion for each other. You’re in the same boat together and trying to maintain the right balance of space and togetherness to keep your relationship healthy and thriving. Express faith and confidence in each other, and enjoy the slow dance of intimacy that can resume between the two of you.


  1. daphne this is beautiful.. and this post has enlightened me.... u r right about this and i do agree that by open up to one another, having respect, and care for one another is crucial in order to mantain a relationship. as many people just throw their love away before even realising what they have lost in life :D

  2. you create your own chapters in life. marriage is one of the chapters. it begins well, but usually there are many hurdles thereafter. It does not hv to be perfect, it just needs fine-tuning along the way. Sometimes too many cook spoil the broth, we just have to stay focus & be in control. best wishes.