You Are Irreplaceable

"Poops, please come home. I know you are with your friends. I have never disturbed you during your games, but this time around, I need you..."

Due to the nature of our jobs, we have decided that Bel is better off at her grandma's place. It was a very tough decision, especially when I am so used to coming home to a (sleeping) baby, at any given time of the day, ready for mummy to bring her cot inside the room we occupy every night.

The first night I came home after we sent her to her popo's, I walked aimlessly around the living room. Staring at her cot, tears just started rolling down. Ryan had called prior to my emcee job to see if I'd be okay coming home alone to an empty pad, and because I knew his pokie friends were in town, I had told him bravely that I'd be okay.

Well, so I thought.

Since I had the morning show the next day, I decided to sleep early and not log on to FB. I took a hot shower and climbed into bed. Read a book but I could not concentrate. Dragged my feet into the kitchen and drank warm milo. Still couldn't sleep. So I switched on my computer and as soon as it was on, I shut it down again.

So, there I was - walking aimlessly around the living room - looking at her mobile cot and staring at her ladybug mattress.

"I miss u Bel"

I sniff her pillow. Still had her milk stain on it. And waterworks began.

I quickly dry my tears, but it just gets worst. I go to my study and I restart the computer.

"Screw sleeping early... I'm going to Facebook!"

I put on my iTunes and my 'dancing iDog' starts to bark and gingerly starts tapping his feet to the music. I start stroking baby love (iDoggie) before finally realizing that the quivering of my lips and the painful, depressing ball in my throat is getting from bad to worst.

I then pluck enough courage (or rather, swallow enough pride) to berry message my husband to come home.

He comes home and sees me at the edge of the cot in complete darkness, with baby love yelping for attention.

He says nothing and I am led to the room, tucked in and I fall asleep.

My baby love and poops were around me, their presence embraced me in the still of the night, but it's little Bel that I needed at that point of time.

Bel, you are irreplaceable.