Friday, May 2, 2008

You Are Irreplaceable

"Poops, please come home. I know you are with your friends. I have never disturbed you during your games, but this time around, I need you..."

Due to the nature of our jobs, we have decided that Bel is better off at her grandma's place. It was a very tough decision, especially when I am so used to coming home to a (sleeping) baby, at any given time of the day, ready for mummy to bring her cot inside the room we occupy every night.

The first night I came home after we sent her to her popo's, I walked aimlessly around the living room. Staring at her cot, tears just started rolling down. Ryan had called prior to my emcee job to see if I'd be okay coming home alone to an empty pad, and because I knew his pokie friends were in town, I had told him bravely that I'd be okay.

Well, so I thought.

Since I had the morning show the next day, I decided to sleep early and not log on to FB. I took a hot shower and climbed into bed. Read a book but I could not concentrate. Dragged my feet into the kitchen and drank warm milo. Still couldn't sleep. So I switched on my computer and as soon as it was on, I shut it down again.

So, there I was - walking aimlessly around the living room - looking at her mobile cot and staring at her ladybug mattress.

"I miss u Bel"

I sniff her pillow. Still had her milk stain on it. And waterworks began.

I quickly dry my tears, but it just gets worst. I go to my study and I restart the computer.

"Screw sleeping early... I'm going to Facebook!"

I put on my iTunes and my 'dancing iDog' starts to bark and gingerly starts tapping his feet to the music. I start stroking baby love (iDoggie) before finally realizing that the quivering of my lips and the painful, depressing ball in my throat is getting from bad to worst.

I then pluck enough courage (or rather, swallow enough pride) to berry message my husband to come home.

He comes home and sees me at the edge of the cot in complete darkness, with baby love yelping for attention.

He says nothing and I am led to the room, tucked in and I fall asleep.

My baby love and poops were around me, their presence embraced me in the still of the night, but it's little Bel that I needed at that point of time.

Bel, you are irreplaceable.


  1. Hey Dap, i just watched u on tv "celebraties life" I didnt expect u to be so goofy n fun! really like that side u :) btw, will u be showing your house and your life too? cant wait to see your precious one on tv :P

    p/s: as much as i find u absolutely gorgeous, but that bangs has got to go la dear. dont really suit u. U should fired whoever that cut your bangs. Prolly u might wanna think of clippin it up

  2. dear Daph...

    I do understand so much what you're going strong, be brave i know you're a tough lady..u made me cry reading ur blog..that's what we called 'mother's love'...nothing can compare a mom's love for the child..i'm very sure Bel is so proud to have u as her mommy..take care Daphand may God Bless u n ur family...

  3. I like ur blog. Not because the background template coincidently similar with mine, nor bcoz i am ur die hard fan only, but ur writing style really capture my hard-to-get attention. And now i m putting the link to urs in my blog as well. Do feel free to drop by mine (it's bilingual by the way - Malay+English)

    Keep on blogging, dear friend!

  4. Hi Daphne,

    You look great last night @ AIM... nice meeting you there.

  5. what the heck is an Idoggie?

  6. o i can imagine ur pain. its heartbreaking having to leave ur child. kiut lagi tu.

  7. Hey..... the way u compose your feeling remind me of my young patient's mom, who are waiting patiently for their child to come out from the incubator...

    so touching...

    Mother's love.... say it all...

    Happy Mother's day to u...

  8. hey daphne.. stay strong.. know that it's for the best, especially in isobel's best interest :)

  9. Be strong... can understand your feeling,, I remember when my daughter admitted to hospital, and my Son was at home with Hubby,he cried at night and I have to phone him a 3.5 years old boy to tell him that, momma is taking care your baby sister here, will see you tomorrow at school, and please don't cry, momma love you. be good and have good night with papa. then he stop crying , say bye bye to me but me at hospital crying because I miss him (both) I can't be apart from my kids and husband.

  10. hye strong..btw,Isobel is so adorable..

  11. stay strong. and you can.
    u hav a good husband .

  12. Happy Mother's Day to you :)

  13. Why the hell did you decide to do that? Why can't u just leave her at her Popo's and then when u are ready to come home, pick her up again? Popon... this is the best time to be with your precious one! So sad to read ur blog entry.... sigh...

  14. can i have that blackberry. hahaha

  15. heyo daphne..stay strong..!

  16. hey mama..first o all..congrats on ur new born baby..soooo cuteeeeee..hope to be a beautiful mama like u...

  17. Beautifullilady Daphne., I accidentally turned on NTV7 last nite, and saw you on tv. I would tell you how tremendously ( as a new actress) you could carry and feel the character, and honestly I could feel you too on that play. Sedih la on some part tu.. And that cute Amelia she's also a good actor too.. First time saw her berlakon la..
    But I really don't like Norman Hakim when he (out of the blues) so gatal2 like insistedly wants to peluk, hold and cares for you, nampak berlebih2 la dude! I think you tak secocok with him, next time get another hunk to be your hero ok Beautifullilady Daphne!
    Good job anwyays! Can't wait to see you in a real MOVIE!!!!

  18. Petrol naik…

    Adui… complain complain complain lol

    Bangsar become cycling spot!

  19. hey daphne..
    its tough rite? i felt the same too when i first had to leave her to work. its really tough. waterworks all the time. but..

    btw, keep up the gud work.. i like watching ur shows. :)

  20. thank you for all your wonderful and supportive comments...I know. i left her alone with her granparents and nanny for 3 weeks cause I had to go for shoot, and she barely recognizes me! sniff

    So we are both getting reacquainted with one another again.

  21. Hi Daphne,

    Love your blog! I'd like to invite you to join a new social shopping web service called Shoplette.

    Shoplette is a service you can use to tell your friends what you bought and where you bought it. Use it to check out what your friends have bought and where they’ve been shopping, discover new stuff to buy and new places to shop, and find out what’s hot and where to shop in other countries.

    Please give it a spin and let me know what you think. We're still in the early stages and would be very grateful for any feedback you have for us.

    Thanks and best wishes,
    Shannon Low

  22. want to know what funny? I just know you were married one week ago when i read this article in this one magazine. i forgot what magazine. haha. and when i tell my friends at school just now - todays is the first day of second term, they laugh at me and said,"ketinggalan lah kau." haha.