Monday, November 5, 2007

What IS an unfit mother?

Of late, Britney has been making headlines with her pending divorce with KevinFed and the custody of her two children. She has been reported being an unfit mother because of her "wild ways" and the "worrisome mental state" she is in. However, her latest single "Gimme Gimme More" and new album has made great reviews in the charts. So go figure.

My question is, what is an unfit mother?

In my previous posts, I wrote about how the journey of pregnancy- especially if its your first- can be one of glorious joys, or painful rendition.

They call it "Mommy Wars" -- its when everyone, from the man on the street, to your loving mother in law, start giving their own opinion on "what is good for the baby".

On the surface, we all know that we should not smoke nor drink alcohol, but eat healthily (ESPECIALLY) when you are pregnant. Ok. Ditto on that.
And don't forget your folic acid, and your regular checkup! Oh, and remember to drink lots of water and continue with your light exercise regime!

Now, these are things we don't need a book or ANYONE to tell us. Its common sense.

However, Mommy Wars begin when decisions have been made in relation to the mother/child's welfare by those who think they "should" voice out their concerns:- For example,

1. C-section or natural birth?
2. Home school, public or private school?
3. Stay at home mother or nanny?
4. To do yoga or not (trust me, I was told that I am not to sit cross legged by an inlaw, nanti anak jadi bow-legged!)
5. AND 500 or so other pantangs.

So where and WHEN do we draw the line?

When do I, Daphne Iking, as the rightful mother of my little one, draw a line to what advice (sought or shoved) is given?


  1. read this book, Freakonomics. It's got an interesting section on parenting.

  2. U don't. U just do what you feel comfortable and right. U don't really have to listen to all those pantang larangs. Take it just like an advise. Its just a guidelines to make sure that we don't hurt ourselves, thats all. I used the scissors and ate what I wanted and my baby just came out of me just fine. I sat cross-legged alright.. =)

  3. In silence, I support you in everything you choose. And you so know my take for No. 4 :D, I've witnessed my yoga master performing headstand at 8 month of pregnancy.

    You ARE the epitome of the coolest and fittest mother to-be can be, at least to me (and to thousand others, I'm sure).

    In silence too, I wish you all the luck, Zen and fun for the weeks and counting.

  4. ignore them..listen to yourself...u r de mother of ur child..u hv de rights to do wats best..gud luck

  5. Done everything that said cannot be done like eating 'cold' foods, hammering nails thru wall and housework (nesting instinct kicking in). But no matter how smart they think they are, they are never right when it comes to on what to eat and not to eat when having gestational diabetes.

    Wait till confinement. Chinese are THE worst. Be prepared to set your foot firm on not taking showers, touching water and etc.

  6. after reading the parenthood mag, I decided to come visit you here...
    First of all....the Mommy War is so so normal and so so darn irritating. It gets even more annoying especially with the pregnancy hormones and all..but at the end of the day, after after two kiddos myself....all I can say is trust your own instincts!
    There is an article in this month's Parenthood mag on how to 'ward' off moms who are over eager to help out and give advice to moms-to-be....
    BTW you look great!

  7. The first time I had cold feet about being a mum my hubby's cousin told me...

    You just listen to your instinct. It will come. You will know what to do when the time comes.