tick tock tick tock

I have been having sleepless nights for the past one month. And its has gone from bad to worst. It is now 4:19am. My body is tired, but my mind is still awake. I surfed the box, read a book, drank a glass of hot milo and still no nodding of the head.

Today, I am exceptionally awake because she arrives in less than 24 hours time. And although I've been receiving encouraging smses and messages on FB, (that's FaceBook for you), I am still nervous, scared and most of all, STILL anxious with the whole ordeal of child birth.

The bag(s) are packed, miniature bedsheets for both her cribs (one for night, and one for day) have been lovingly placed and all electronic devices have been charged and checked. I have learnt (and taught MIL) how to use the Avent sterilizer and figured out what those damn nappy liners are for. My southern regions have been IPL-ed, so my doctor will not make an (itchy) mess when she prepares me for my C-section. Everyone is on standby, and Gucci too has been 'briefed' on a new arrival. I have devoted a lot of time for him lately, allowing him to sleep with me over the past few nights, so he won't get jealous of the little one when she finally arrives.

Logically, I am ready.

Then why does my heart pound so hard? Doctor Kamaljit and Doctor Assunta have briefed us thoroughly on the procedures. It sounds safe --well, almost. Get me to eat a raw worm anyday, just don't talk about needles and make me smell the bloody (no pun intended) hospital smell. Sigh. I'm being a whiner. Again.

Lets change the subject.

Tonight, I went for what would be, my last night out as a non-mama. Went shopping with Ryan, Mui and Nino for some last minute (baby) stuff, had tea with uncle Darren (thank you Dorin for the nighties!) while they went to trim their hair and then came home to get ready for a dinner function. Surprisingly, I enjoyed myself dancing to Grease Lightning and went a wee bit overboard with my pocho-pocho dancing! Made it just in time for our midnight movie -- which I highly recommend to all of you to watch -The Kingdom starring Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner. Awesome!

I implore our leaders to watch this movie. I always feel a movie with substance motivates the brain to think (and hopefully act) intellectually. Even if the effects are just felt for a day or two, it can bring slight justice to the brains of those dulled by red tape and birokasi.

Gucci is sniffing my feet. The unborn is squirming uncomfortably.

I'm going to read my Tina Brown book and hope for a good night rest. Its church tomorrow follwed by lunch with family, my final errands running and then, its check-in time.

Takutlah.

Yes. Masih takut.