I am officiallly on maternity leave as of today!

Yes. Once upon a time, I used to be that skinny. That was a picture taken of me emceeing an event about a year ago. Now I weigh in 62.5kgs. And still growing. Sigh.

Someone asked me if there was any pressure to lose the weight I have gained during pregnancy due to the nature of my job. I told her there was no pressure -- but I must admit, I yearn to wear my size 24 jeans and squeeze back into my tiny tops and size 7 1/2 4"stiletto's.

When I first found out that I was pregnant, I was constantly checking out my tummy and was (secretly) delighted when people started to notice the bump I carried with much pride. During the second trimester, I was (relieved) that I could no longer fit into my daily jeans. And FINALLY, I could wear the maternity tops that were given to me (thank you Runway Maternity and Topshop!) Towards the end of my second trimester and early 3rd stage, I was (again- secretly) enjoying the fact that people would compliment on how "good I look" during my pregnancy, and I would gloat in (sheer narcissistic) joy when they said "7 months? You look Soooo good!"

Now, about 37 weeks pregnant, I am finally feeling the pregnancy blues. Real friends smile in empathy when they see me waddling around ungracefully. I tried being 'cute' and 'energetic' the other day at the station -started doing the Charlie Chaplin dance. I should have known better. I fell on my butt. Nothing happened to baby (thank God!) but I had a damaged ego. It didn't help that I was wearing my 3" nine west wedges.

I measured myself again last night. I am now a 37-40-38. I can't fit into my shoes anymore cause my feet are bloated and no longer have an arch. I cried last night, and daddy-to-be (God bless him) told me that he will get me new shoes after my delivery. I weeped on. He said I can buy as many shoes as I want. I stopped crying after he mentioned Manolo...

I used to be proud of my growing northern assets, but now, I look at it queerly. It does not look like those flashed on Men Magazines. It has thick, ugly green veins and I have to use these really ugly maternity bras as opposed to the colourful, lacy, sexy ones that I am accustomed to cause its more comfortable and doesn't hurt my ribs.

I tried touching my toes. In week 35, I was still nifty in reaching for my toenails in bouncing style. Today, I was lucky I could reach halfway down my calves.

2 weeks ago, I use to take pride in telling people that I was still working on thebreakfastshow cause I can. Today, as I bid goodbye to the viewers at home, I said it with much relief. I am officially on my maternity leave starting today and if all goes well, will be back in 2 months time.

So will I be my 33-24-35, 49 kgs self again in 2-3 months time?

I don't know. But what I do know is that my anxiousness, anxiety and growing nervousness is mounting as each day grows closer to D-day.

11 more days peeps.

Sigh.

Takut lah.