Friday, September 21, 2007

Screw it, Let's do it


No, I am not talking about Richard Branson's 'Lesson in life and business' here, I am talking about my take on delivering my child the way I WANT it.

When I first found out about my pregnancy, I kept it as my delicious little secret. My little peanutbutter chocolate - a Willy Wonka candy, and a world of possibilities. Looking back, that was a truly idyllic time. Because as soon as I let the world in on my secret and stepped up to accept my public role as Pregnant Woman, everyone - from my family to my coworkers to the boundary-deficient older woman on the street who stopped to pat my tummy- had something to say about what was the best way to have a baby and be a mommy. Like it or not, I was going to be be thrust belly-first, into the mommy wars.

It seems that that every decision you make about raising a child in the twenty-first century, no matter how personal, is going to push someone else's buttons. Daycare or nanny? City or kampung? Public school or private or home school? Natural birth or C-section?

I have made my choice and have scheduled my operation for late November. Ryan and I have decided to deafen our ears and have bought books for research and to prep ourselves as well as speaking to our doctor about the pros and cons of the doing the C-section.

** I should point out that physicians do not prefer the terms Cesarean section and c-section. There are many theories about where the term "Cesarean" comes from, and one is that it derives from two Latin words, caedre and secare, which both mean "to cut." Since "section" also means "to cut", the terms Cesarean section and c-sectioin are redundant **

So when I told some close friends, and of course, the family about our decision - there was mixed response. Mostly gasps (amongst the ladies) and nods of (non) understanding from the gents (we will need to fork out more moolah).

So what if they don't agree with our choice right? Its none of their business right?

WRONG.

That's just the frustrating part. People really do believe it IS there business. Especially the family members. It might be our child, but it is their grandchild, niece and god-daughter. When I (stupidly) decided to tattoo my back or switch my major from medicine to mass communications, they may have not been thrilled, but hey, it's my life. THIS decision however, is going to affect the next link in the family chain, so they will worry, they will question our decision, and they WILL bug us to do what they believe is the best - even if their beliefs are based on the latest scientific breakthroughs of 1968.

Why is it then, that people, who have absolutely NO personal investment in my child, have such a strong opinion about my plans on how to deliver it?

I guess it all begins with that very admirable human instinct to throw a protective arm around an innocent baby, no matter whose baby it is - hence the MOMMY WARS.

I now tell friends and strangers, when they give me that alarmed look on my feng-shui set Operation date, that if God wants me to deliver via Vaginal birth, so be it. I will let fate take its course, but what is wrong with me planning my birth, right down to the time of delivery right?

So yes. Screw it. Let's do it Isobel. If you decide to come out earlier than expected, mum and dad will be ready for you. I saw you yesterday on a 3D ultrasound image. You have learnt to suck and curl that little tongue of yours!

28 weeks. 12 more to go. Or in my case, 10.





21 comments:

  1. Pon, frankly speaking, for first time mothers, you don't know which child birth choice is right for you. But no harm planning. By the end of the process, no matter what ways of delivering, you will still be a mother. 28 weeks is crucial. Take enough rest, mentality and physically. May God bless you and Isobel.

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  2. hail to the c-section. go for it girl!!!! its the best thing. you dont feel a thing.

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  3. Agreed..28th weeks is crucial..and no matter which ways that u choose, the most important thing is the child's health..take care daphne..

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  4. You've got a tattoo at your back? Back to the main topic, at least you've decided, but open-minded at the same time.

    I will think of mother and daughter...stay well...

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  5. Your choice. Your prerogative.

    Good luck.

    Can't wait to see Isobel too.

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  6. It's a sad fact. Asians are busybodies....

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  7. if i were to have a choice, i would opt for a c-sect too...but being 'alone' in negeri orang ...i have no one to help me (kalau di kampung, tetap ada and you do need someone to help you if you had a c-sect)..but i've had experience with vaginal birth and got better within 3 days. It's your choice Daphne...you do what's best for you..at the end of the day, it's your own body. All the best, have a good rest from now on...

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  8. hye hot mommy to be ...it's your choice daphne.. u n hubby already decide it ..just one thing .. take good care of ur self n ur little angle ... i wish u all e best ya .. dun forget ask hubby to take video as special moment when e baby arrived okies ...

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  9. as long as u are happy and isobel's gon be fine. so "make the childbirth choice that's right for u, no matter what everyone else tinks!". ;)

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  10. you decide..

    end of story...

    all the best..

    sasha

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  11. You can choose what ever method you feel comfortable with. Natural or ceasarean doesn't matter as I strongly feel it doesn't make you less of a mother, what matter most is that you'll be a great mom to your precious Isobel which am sure you will :) Besides, if you have an option to avoid pain, then you have the right to go for it. Furthermore, since we have new technology nowadays, why not use it right ;p So like Nike says, "JUST DO IT" ;p

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  12. when I saw the title and the picture I was thinking of something else.

    Turns out you wrote about a different topic...

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  13. thank you for all your comments...well appreciated. Now I need help buying baby stuff. SO many brands out there...i'm con-fuse-ed.... sigh

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  14. yup, you decide babes! babies come anytime they want tho...my baby came 6 weeks early, so mana da time to prepare apa-pa! and baby brand/stuff?? err...Huggies nappies! it takes the lot!!!!

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  15. c-sect...ok but heals\real slow / need all the help u can get from hubby / mil/or whoever...u can't walk..Vaginal..heals real quick...and no fluffy tummy..hihihi...

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  16. I came upon your blog by accident & I must say it's interesting to read. My first pregnancy was natural & my second was by C-section (I had no choice because the baby was suffocating). Truthfully, natural birth is way better. The pain is only for a lil while, after 3-4 days, your stitches would heal. As for C-section, it takes about at least a month & a half for outer stitches to heal, not to mentioned, another 6 months for the inside to cure. Furthermore, you can't really go thru the 'pantang' phase as in berurut, bertunku. So when you can't urut, your tummy will stay as it is...fluffy...I'm sure you don't want it to look like that for long right? You can't even touch your tummy becos the pain is unbearable & worst is, it's difficult to breastfeed your baby without feeling the pain.

    I'm not trying to scare you dear, but I just wanna share what I've been through. As a woman, we want the best for ourselves & of course in this case, for others too. The first few days is crucial cos you're still new to having a baby. Think about yourself & of course your precious Isobel (first few days milk is important for her). You still have time to change your mind but at the end of the day... it's still your choice. Take care gurl.

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  17. just dont forget to breastfeed.

    and i agreed with mommy. I had c-sect. and my tummy still fluffy after a year....

    good luck daph.

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  18. well, i am also pregnant and have decided to go natural.well,agree with mommy said.i had an operation a year ago-it's close to c-section and it still hurts till now ( a year later).and also that will depends on how many children do you want to have. my aunt just found out she is pregnant-( she has 2 boys and hopping to get a girl) but she had 2 c-section before is this is her last chance.i feel quite sad seeing her saying if she gets a boy,she will try again..well, again it's your choice..

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  19. yup...people are always minding our business, eventhough whatever we decide, doesn't really effect them at alll....

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  20. Someone mentioned in my PBL that c-section might increase your chance of a miscarriage next time. I think something to do with the endometirum not healing properly when cut. so you'll get haemorrhaging.

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  21. hi daphne, got here during bloghopping. i dont quite agree w "mommy". i had 3 c-sections & n no prob in recovering, no prob in breastfeeding ;-)

    good luck to u & isobel :-)

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