Tom Hayton, Jay Redza & Shegar's work of art

Apart from the numerous Christmas wishes I received over these past few days, I have also received numerous "you sure you getting married Daph?"

Marriage is perceived by cynics, romantics and believers of matrimony in different levels of understanding; like how nudity is embraced creatively by those with an eye for art, arousing sexual excitement for the sensual being and vulgar to some.

In my previous posts, you would gather that I had my share of doubts on marriage. Why?

Truthfully, I was not sure if Ryan WAS the one for me. I had many 'what if' questions that plodded on and on. And I am pretty sure many brides (and grooms) have been in my shoes before. It was not that I did not love him, nor did I have any doubts that he did not love me. I was just--plain and simple. Scared.

We have been away from each other for at least 8 months now-- depending on emails, frequent smses and nightly phone conversations to keep our relationship strong. Long distance relationships are tough, especially when you come home from a shitty day and all you need is big strong hug from the other half - easing that initial stress -- but you come home to an empty house instead.sigh...

But that is what a relationship is all about. It's the ability to feel the other half's presence from afar.

From the 27th January onwards, our thoughts shall be for each other, rather than for our individual selves. Our plans shall be mutual, our joys and sorrows shall be shared.

We will still be separated after we say "i do", but that's just geography. Our bodies might be miles away from each other, but our intentions are together with God as our witness.

I'm being jiwang. I know.

All the planning for the wedding has left me misty-eyed and feeling rather sentimental. Just minutes ago, we were listening to some songs -- picking songs for our blessing. Going through the wedding programme, delegating jobs to our closest friends and loved ones, with much honour, care and joy.

My bachelorette days are going to be over soon. My 'what if' questions are reducing each day as we plan our life together. And day by day, I peel the shroud of doubts and fear eloping my wellbeing.

I know when daddy walks me down the aisle, with the dress I've mentally designed, I will be standing stark nude in God's presence ready for my role as a wife -- and I will not be ashamed to say, in all conviction to my man, "I Do".

* Tom Hayton is a mat salleh photographer who attempts to speak malay, with his out of place 'lah's'! A great person to work with and extremely patient. I highly recommend him to those who wish for er...less than norm self portraits. Don't worry. He's harmless.* ;-P