E L E A N O R

901

2012-01-08T23:16:00.004+08:00

I have been away and came back to some hooha on the numbers 901. Quite honestly, at first glance, I thought there was a missing digit to that number and immediately thought of a local hotdog franchise.

But this number has nothing to do with food.

Some folks will be celebrating their birthday or anniversary on this day. One chap will find out if he will be locked up for the next 20 years,

Having been in the eye of the storm, I know the fear and anxiety he and his family must be feeling.

I really don't know who or what to believe in anymore. I tweeted the other day about not understanding politics, but what I do know is my right to vote (please register yourself as a voter). The question now is this: do we vote for the person, or the party?

Someone told me that he will be voting for the devil. "Better the devil we know, than the angel we don't". Can't we just get the best from both teams and let them work hand in hand together without them constantly fighting or belittling each other?

Sigh.

Tonight in my doa, I will pray for justice and that Allah is with him and the family. I don't know him, but I've met two of his daughters personally and they are wonderful, wonderful ladies. Strong and liberated. Compassionate and kind. Admittedly, I am not a huge fan of his as I've seen some lopsidedness to his statements and actions, but I do not wish for an innocent man to go to jail for something he did not do, or for him to go to jail merely for that account just to cover somebody else's arse. Ok. So I might not be making sense -- but yeah.

I am going to vote for the future of Isobel and Iman. And a young boy whom we miss dearly. I pray for everyone. Even those haters.

God bless

You will find your real friends in times of trouble

2012-01-08T22:50:00.003+08:00

ANOTHER clump of hair comes off while I shampoo and it’s been like this for the past few weeks. It’s always so distressing scooping hair out of the shower drain and tiring sweeping strands off the bathroom floor over and over again. I find myself shedding more and sooner than I did after my first pregnancy but my doctor has assured me that I won’t go bald and that my hair will be back to normal by Iman’s first birthday.

But that’s months away!

I read that an average woman sheds about 100 hairs a day. Normally, about 85 to 95% of the hair on your head is growing and the other five to 15% is in its resting stage.

After the resting period, the hair falls out — often while we are brushing or shampooing it and is replaced by new growth.

So here’s what’s going on.

Precious: Daphne and family during a holiday in Perth, Australia recently. — Photo by JOE LEBOSI

During pregnancy, the increased level of estrogen prolongs the growing stage.

There are fewer hairs in the resting stage and fewer falling out each day, hence the thicker and more luxuriant tresses during pregnancy.

But after birth, the estrogen levels take a tumble and more hair is seen coming out in the shower or the brush as more hair follicles enter the resting stage.

Despite the medical explanation to this, I am still worried.

I didn’t see such drastic change to my crown of glory during my first pregnancy.

In fact, this second trip to motherhood has been different all together from my first.

When I was carrying Iman, I saw so much difference in mood, cravings and feelings — even how I looked, walked and reacted to the pregnancy were poles apart.

My aunties told me I was carrying a boy. My mother told me to ignore the old wives tales and to listen to my doctor.

Just for fun, we decided to keep the sex of the baby a surprise till birth. Ironically, I knew I was carrying a girl despite everyone saying it was the opposite.

Call it a mother’s hunch — I’ve learnt to trust my instincts better now and am much happier taking in my own advice.

At least if the plan doesn’t go my way, I have only myself to blame; rather than going against my gut instincts to conform to what others want ‘best’ for me.

I hate that feeling I get when I do the opposite of what my gut instinct tells me to do because of the pressure to conform to society.

It’s a real slap-on-the-forehead moment when I find out that what I felt initially was actually spot on.

Reflecting back on the recent years that was, to how it is today, a lot has happened for the best even if it may have been painted otherwise.

I have been given a second chance in love and motherhood and although it may not be the sweetest bed of roses, life is more meaningful and intimate.

When I was going through a very public divorce — I was judged and labelled.

Those who mattered stood by me despite the allegations and those who were ashamed to be associated with my family and I, upped and left.

At the end of the day, I found I only had a handful of friends and colleagues left that I could truly trust and rely on and because they bothered to find out the truth, they remained loyal and protective and I love them dearly for that.

My point is this.

As painful as it is to my vanity and how it does stress me out seeing shreds of my hair everywhere I go, I know that losing hair is part of nature’s process in getting my body back to normal after the hormonal upheaval it had to go through during and after birth.

Given time, my hair will return to its normal pre-pregnancy thickness, but according to the medical reports, the texture of the hair might not be the same.

It may be wavier or straighter or more dry or oily than it was before.

In the meantime, I won’t be able to stop the hair from falling out, but I am probably going to see my hairdresser soon to experiment a different look or to see what products can I use to give my hair a fuller look during this transition period.

Likewise, when we go through a difficult patch in our lives, it’s God’s way of detoxing the good from the bad and it helps to open your perspective that life is not all black and white, but a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours.

Initially, I was hurt that some so-called friends turned their backs on me.

But on a hindsight, I am glad.

I have true friends surrounding me now — less in quantity, but definitely more in quality.

I have a different approach to life and situations now and am less concerned about what others think, and more concerned about doing the best for my loved ones and to my creator.

There was nothing I could do to stop the badmouthing, but with God’s strength and love and support from my trusted few, I became stronger. Alhamdulillah

Here’s to a brand new year and more blessings for 2012!

Daphne is looking forward to three things in 2012: the General Election (please register yourself as a voter!), completing more stuff on her bucket list and growing her hair back. Follow her tweets at @daphCLP

Silly Jokes and Emo With Daphne Iking

2012-01-03T12:45:00.002+08:00

I play Tricia in this new movie that premiers tomorrow and will be screened at selected TGV cinemas nationwide. Here's a sneak on what happened during filming with the crazy but lovable Tony Eusoff.

Isobel's 4th birthday bash with loved ones

2011-12-19T08:46:00.001+08:00

Daphne Iking - Isobel's 4th Birthday Party from Joe Lebosi on Vimeo.

You are our Universe girl. I love you and am so grateful to have you in our lives. Thank you for making me see love in a new direction and thank you for showing me the meaning of forgiveness.

Hulurkan bantuan

2011-12-18T21:07:00.002+08:00

My husband and I are on different pages when helping others. Being the cynic that he is, he is more anal on who and why he is helping the person who seeks for favors. I, on the other hand find it hard to say no to people who come to me for help. To me, as long as I am able to assist, I will do all that I can to help another person and not expect anything but a thank you. AAR on the other hand, feels some people take advantage of this and gives me the "told you so" stare when I get hurt in the process of helping somebody out.

Having been hurt previously, AAR is wary on helping others; especially if it boils down to lending money. I've lost track on how much money I've lent to folks, only to see it as a permanent donation. AAR has put a stop to this.

"When you are in trouble, do they come and help you?"

My response to that is; " We do good to others. If they abuse the trust or hurt you in the end, then so be it.Let God decide then."

Hubs poo-pahs me and tells me that we should lessen the pain of getting hurt, by avoiding potential situations that can harm us.

He has a point. But I am built this way - reason being, when I was going through shit and back-- there were a few angels whom I am forever grateful to, and I believe in paying forward.

On a lighter note, but relevant to this post - earlier I saw a hot chick donning hot pants with her tampon string hanging out. I was wondering if I should point it out quietly to her-- or just let her string be. I decided on the former. Coming closer to her, I realised that "she" was actually a he, and that it was the string from her undergarments that was coming off.

I didn't know how to react hence this post.

Anyway, have a great Sunday or what's left of it. I'm going to continue helping others because it makes me feel good.

So it's not such a selfless act afterall eh?

My 1st and Last

2011-12-10T10:15:00.001+08:00

Daphne Iking - Stand Up Comedy from Joe Lebosi on Vimeo.

It ain't funny being funny

2011-12-10T10:08:00.003+08:00

Different Spin Article 9th November 2011

The Star Metro

MY latest obsession is watching An Idiot Abroad — a travel documentary series that features former radio producer Karl Pilkington and is co-created with comedians Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant.

This comical travelogue basically charts Karl’s reactions when travelling, as well as the situations he is placed in and cultural differences and idiosyncrasies in the countries he visits.

The ongoing theme is that Karl has no interest in global travel and likes to remain safe within his comfort zone.

This is the brilliant part — Ricky and Steven make him go to all these places and plan (unpleasant) surprises for him along the way.

What makes this show very appealing is Karl’s pure honesty. His unperturbed yet candid reactions to the ‘pranks’ thrown at him by friends Ricky and Steven, is hilarious yet endearing.

I have a huge respect for content providers. From the writers to the talents and form of medium used to execute good material. And just like how I am motivated to write after reading a good book or article, I have flirted with the idea of doing comedy after watching dosages of Karl’s adventures.

On a crazed impulse, I agreed to do a Comedy Open Mic to fulfil my bucket list.

When I first decided to do it a few weeks ago, I was on an unexplainable, inspired high and was confident that it was going to be okay. I blame this on Karl, Ricky and Steven.

Two days leading to the event, I am a nervous wreck and have no idea why I submitted myself to such scrutiny.

My manager says I’ll be fine as “I’m used to being on stage” but hosting, acting and emceeing is NOT stand-up. What have I gotten myself into?

Malaysia’s King Of Comedy, Harith Iskander, gave me a few pointers.

He told me to just relax and prepare some original ‘bits’ and rehearse it a few times in front of the mirror.

But that’s just it — how do you come up with funny ‘bits’? I watch the likes of Ricky Gervais, Russel Peters, Chris Rock and our local comedians Harith, Douglas and Joanne Kam performing stand-up so effortlessly.

Unlike theatrical comedy that I’ve done, stand-up is openly devoted to getting immediate laughs from the audience to which the feedback from the crowd is instant and crucial for the comedian’s act.

Audiences expect a stand-up comedian to provide a steady stream of laughs – so naturally the performer is always under great pressure to deliver a good string of funny ‘bits’.

Most comics find this pressure to be threatening but thrilling at the same time. I find this daunting.

I want my audience to laugh with me. Not AT me.

My first impression of comedians are of them being funny smartmouths all the time.

I was wrong. I have the honour of being quite chummy with some of our local stand-ups, and funnily (pardon the pun) , they are normally quite serious.

They are also intelligent as it takes a smart person to come up with smart jokes. The skills attributed to stand-up are diverse. From writing, editing and performing, the stand-up comedian is also the producer and technician for the act.

Many stand-up comedians work for years to develop 45 minutes of material or ‘bits’ and usually perform their jokes repeatedly, slowly perfecting them over time.

Uh-oh. I have less than two days to come up with some funny material, to rehearse the act and to make it look natural. Tell me again — why did I sign up for this?

I tried pulling out an hour ago but was told that it was too late as the promos were already out. This is not funny at all. It didn’t help when the organiser sent a ‘friendly e-mail’ telling us open–micers that at the absolute worst, “it’s just three minutes of heckling” and “no one has died from performing bad jokes on stage”.

Wonderful.

It isn’t funny when you are on the other side of the field. It is serious business and I am sweating in nervous anticipation of this gig.

I have got to calm down and remember that the essence of comedy is fun and laughter. Here’s to winging it on my first try. Wish me luck!

A picture with Regina taken at the BEE, Solaris. A few minutes after my open mic session. Phew!

By the time this article is published, Daphne would have proudly popped her comical cherry the night before. Here’s hoping that her ego and emotional state of being is still intact and not heckled to pieces. She highly recommends watching ‘An Idiot Abroad’. Tweet your jokes and thoughts to her at @daphCLPT

Hello Iman Daniella Iking Azmi

2011-11-18T00:43:00.000+08:00

Daphne Iking's newborn girl 2011 from Joe Lebosi on Vimeo.

Maid set in her ways

2011-11-15T01:06:00.001+08:00

Important to lay down the rules from the start.

I AM dismayed reading stories in the papers about maids allegedly being beaten or raped by their employers and I simply cannot fathom how some folks can be so cruel. I grew up with domestic helpers almost all my life, and my family always treated them with respect.

Our first (and longest) live-in maid Rose, took care of us for many years and was so close to us, that even after leaving our em-ployment to remarry, we still treat her like our own relative and have kept in touch despite the years and distance between us. As for the rest, we never had squabbles or problems — and all of them left on good terms to return for good to their respective country.

I have heard horror stories on maids running away, stealing and doing the nasty to their employers children; but having such good experience with previous maids working for my family, I was not too worried about hiring my first stay-in maid. In fact, I was confident that things were going to go quite smoothly.

Sensing my aloofness in this matter, my manager persuaded me to be careful nonetheless. So off I went to Surabaya to personally handpick the woman who would not just help manage my household, but to look after the love of my life, Isobel. After screening the best based on their so-called experience and some gut instinct, I short-listed two and submitted my request to the Maids Agency. Two months later, I picked up bibik from the agency and took her home.

That was almost three years ago. A week ago, I had to let her go.

Things started out fine. The agency did not allow her to use her headscarf and took away her praying mat, so I bought her a blacktudung to wear when we went out, as well as a mat, a copy of the Quran and prayer beads.

I also allowed her to fast and to perform her daily prayers five times a day. Apparently, some employers don’t allow their maids to practise their religious beliefs but despite not sharing the same faith as her (then), I welcomed her spiritual obligations with an open heart thinking that her staunch beliefs were proof of a good personality and an honest heart.

To cut a long story short, we had some hiccups along the way but I ignored them because I was a single working mother and chose to close one eye to the little mistakes she made.

When I eventually did start probing and correcting her gently, she would answer back or show a grim face and worst of all, repeat the mistake. Her being older than me made it more difficult. I grew up learning to respect my elders, so I was not used to scolding her despite the fact that she was under my employment.

I blame myself because I made the mistake of not really training her. Nor did I lay down any rules for her from the beginning. I was pretty lenient with her because she arrived at a time when I was super busy with work and had some daunting personal matters to address. So after a few months when I did have time to assess her work and tried to undo what she was already accustomed to doing, it was difficult and her work performance as well as her attitude started changing.

Thank goodness she was kind with my little girl but quite often I would catch her feeding her instant noodles when I told her specifically to feed her vegetable soup or something healthier. And Isobel started learning bad habits like eating in front of the television instead of on her highchair table because the maid wanted to watch her Indonesian drama while feeding her. The last straw was when she used our petty cash to buy Isobel toys and candy for both of them when I gave clear instructions not to do it again.

Finally, one day after another row with the husband and her — she did her usual “I want to go home speech”. On normal occasions, I’d persuade her to change her mind.

This time around, I bought her a ticket for a flight out that night itself and paid what I owed her. She was taken aback. When we went through her baggage prior to her flying off, we were shocked to find some stuff that were missing — things that I would have given her anyway had she only asked!

She even took drain plugs from our home and old kettles and my undergarments. I was bewildered and had to tell her gently that she has a 30kg limit and there was no way she could take all (including an old Astro dish) back!

I’ve learnt my mistake.

Now that I am in the midst of applying for a new helper, I have already prepared a schedule and some notes for her to adhere to. I think if I’m firm with her from the beginning and explain why I want things done the way I want it to be, it will be easier for everyone. I plan to take at least two weeks to train her diligently and God-willing, it’ll be better this time.

I really do hope the authorities get their act together soon so I can get a maid before I start work again. I’m crossing my fingers.

Daphne believes that a firm approach and not a firm hand is the way to go in training your domestic helper. E-mail your thoughts to her at daphneiking6@gmail.com or tweet her @daphCLPT

Different Spin - The Price of Good Education

2011-10-17T10:14:00.004+08:00

Yours Truly

Form 1: Last day of school with my BFF's. We called ourselves The Nerds

Here's my article for The Star last Friday. The original draft was longer (I exceeded the 900 words limit!) but I will show what was omitted and some comments and feedback from those who were kind enough to share their thoughts with me. TQ!

THERE is a lot of pressure these days about sending children to the ‘right’ school. Even though Isobel is two years shy of primary school age, I have started doing some research on what’s best for my child and admittedly, to my wallet.

I have asked around for recommendations and many friends believe, hands-down, that private schools are way better than public ones. It seems, parents are feeling anxious and guilty these days about sending their kids to a public school.

Shireen Zainudin-Lowe, a mother of two, feels that public school teachers are vastly underpaid and as such, the calibre of teachers nowadays is abysmal. She added that private schools are businesses so they have to be competitive and tend to offer a better rounded education.

I studied in a public school all my life and I’d like to believe that I turned out pretty much well-rounded, if not okay.

But then again, it ‘helped’ that I had a straight-A, older sister studying in the same school who was not just academically strong, but also active in sports, debates and was head or deputy of almost every club and society.

So the expectation of excelling was thrust on me by default. I also had wonderful teachers who were very patient and dedicated in giving their utmost best. But according to some, the set of teachers nowadays are no longer of ‘that breed’.

“Public school teachers are not the same as before. They do not care and I feel they are not there to educate but (to) simply fulfill their time,” said Melati Wan Malek, a mother of two privately-schooled children.

Melati had tried both public and private schooling for her kids. However, she is adamant about keeping her kids in a private establishment as they get more exposure.

“In public schools, due to thousands of kids, only the bright and active ones get to perform. And it’s always the same faces doing the dancing or singing,” added Melati.

Naturally, I want the best education for my children — in both academic and curriculum activities.

Both public and private schools require their teachers be credentialled.

This usually means a degree and a teaching cert.

However, private schools tend to hire teachers with advanced degrees in their subject over teachers who have an education degree. Put it another way, a private school hiring a Drama teacher will want that teacher to have a degree in Drama and Arts as opposed to an education degree with a minor in Theatre, for instance.

Jason Teo, another pro-private-school friend said that the teacher to student ratio for private schools was relatively lower than most public schools, resulting in greater individual attention for the child.

He added that many private schools also focused on character building — and with school being an extension of a student’s home, it should serve as a place where good character continues to be fostered. I agree absolutely.

My husband and I were blown away by a musical performance at a private school renowned for throwing amazing stage shows.

With my four-year-old’s love for music and dance, we knew this school was going to perfect for her.

Our only concern was the price we had to pay and the slight fear that our child might turn snobbish. Forgive my stereotyping, but from my experience, the students from international schools were always so mean and arrogant towards those of us from public schools. Am I harshly judgmental?

TV host Nurul Alis sent her kids to a private school but switched them to a public school as she felt her children started ‘changing’ after hanging out with some of the more affluent students.

“All they talked about was who had a better handphone, better holidays. They were even ashamed when I came to pick them up in my small car because the other kids’ parents had luxurious, bigger cars. Now that they are in a public school, they are much more down to earth and are more appreciative about life,” said Nurul.

Well, I guess it’s reassuring to know that, overall, public-school education should not necessarily be seen as second-rate compared to private schools.

But let’s not forget the costly fees of private institutions. I did some background homework and fees per semester can go as high as RM16K!

Recently, the 2012 budget was announced and for the first time in history, government primary and secondary education is provided free.

Honestly, I feel the subsidy is a pittance to what I’m currently paying for my pre-schooler’s fees!

But I am grateful nonetheless. There are also income tax exemptions of 70% and other incentives proposed for private schools registed with the Education Ministry, in the hopes that the savings accrued by private-school operators will subsequently result in the reduction of school fees to ease the burden of parents.

Hopefully, this will allow more leeway for parents like myself to have more options now that affordability is expected.

I spoke to Raphael Hamzah, the director of a private school in KL and he was quick to clarify that it’s not always the case where the rich go to expensive, private schools and those in a lower income bracket go to public schools. “Drive past SKBD (SK Bukit Damansara) after school and check out the cars there,” he joked.

“But seriously, private schools like ours need to make each dollar count thus the quality comes from a true desire to be better — it’s all honestly for the students,” he said.

In conclusion, when it comes to deciding where to place your child, the only way to do it is to “test drive” a school.

Call the school and ask to come for a tour and class visit. Once there, you should be able to find out about class size, the types of resources available and the programmes offered.

You may even want to attend a few PTA meetings or school fairs to get a feel for the children, teachers and parents.

Daphne wishes parenting was as easy as eating chocolate everyday. Share your thoughts with her at daphne@daphneiking.com

The part that got butchered:

Speaking of better, I know some folks who wish that the powers that be make up their minds on the educational system in our country. A parent who wishes to remain anonymous has bleak hope of any reversal in decision by the Education Ministry.

“The public school which I attended in the 70s and 80s had great extra-curricular activities. But in recent years, the unfortunate era of my children going to school, where the education system is being subjected to the flip flop decisions (teaching of Maths & Science in English is one example) has forced us to send our two older children to attend the home-school programme as we could not afford private education for our 3 kids.”

( This was shared by a CEO of a Financial Service Group. According to him, there are 6000 of home school students in Malaysia and they even have an annual sports day gathering. He plans to send his 3 children to a neighbouring country who is welcoming them with 'open arms'. The 'pull factor' in sending his children there includes a special preference granted on fees for 2 years. He and his family plan to leave Malaysia next year. "Our children are growing up, we cannot wait for the government to come to their realisation, if they do not have the will to see reality, but instead are blinded by political short-sightedness'" he added sadly.)

* LATEST UPDATE: Education Ministry has decided AGAINST the use of ENGLISH in teaching Maths and Science *

My god-daughter Kristen was previously in a Private highschool but is now in her neighbourhood public school. She admits that the stress to excel was higher in the private school, but now that she is in a school where most of her friends (from Primary school) are, she misses her old school.

"I think the teachers in private schools are more caring, loving and dedicated towards their students. They put more effort into teaching and making sure they understand what they have been thought. Even though the students are not as exposed to the outside world as those who study in public schools, they come from good family backgrounds and are well brought up and therefore it is a much better environment to learn and grow in," says this 15 year old.

More reading material: The Story state of our Education System.

2011-10-06T18:22:00.001+08:00

Rest in peace Steve Jobs. Thank you for being that rare individual who made the world a better place because you lived briefly in it.

Daphne

_____________________________________

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Some shots taken with my LC-A+ Russia Day LOMO with Instant Back

2011-10-02T08:58:00.003+08:00

Smiles aren't always smiles

2011-09-28T18:17:00.004+08:00

When I agreed to act in this music video ; it was because I could relate closely to my character. Eerily too closely =(

Congrats again Dennis and team for doing a good job on the MV.

Micro vs macro?

2011-09-27T16:06:00.006+08:00

A few years back when I started blogging - I would have at least ONE daily entry and I couldn't wait to update my blog with pictures and thoughts that have inspired me on a daily basis.

Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury of logging on as frequently as before. Initially, I blamed it on lack of time being a mommy and with the crazies of the past. I realise that this is not the MAIN reason. Twitter was the reason.

I signed up as a member of twitter sometime early 2009 but started tweeting madly early 2010. Being so accessible via my smartphones (I prefer tweeting via ubersocial on my Blackberry), it is so much easier to just tweet my random thoughts and pictures this way.

Initially, being a long winded writer, I had trouble tweeting within the 140characters. And I just couldn't see myself "misspelling words" (ie: gr8 = great, u=you, kau=ko/sms spelling), but given time and the sudden wave of tweeting globally, I found it much more satisfying (and easier) microblogging via twitterverse. It is addictive - especially if you have active followers who give you almost instant feedback.

In life, there is always the pros and cons. I've found more good than bad in tweeting. For one, it is like a nifty 'yellow page' when I need to find a place/info of something. Almost immediately, I get replies from friends and strangers telling me where to look or search. Then there is instant updates for sporting events (Arsenal finally scored..yay!) or other events happening around us.

Some have used it as a marketing tool -- I have had lovely

"social media customer service" experience with the likes of @myegclub, @lomographyMY and @blackberryMY -- all very efficient in answering my queries.

But I think the only negative part would be how sometimes our tweets (like our FB/BBM/etc statuses) can be misconstrued if we are not careful (or if we have followers who are overzealous! hahahaha!)

And some people don't understand the etiquette of proper tweeting. For example; find out the meaning of the REPLY button and the RETWEET (RT) button. Don't RT everything; use the REPLY button instead if you wanna chat with the person on twitterverse (Or better still, follow each other and DM (Direct Message) each other to spare everyone from knowing why you chose to buy the red pair of lacy underwear for your rendevouz tonight!)

The other downside is how fast inaccurate news can be spread. I remember after the passing of MJ, there were a few 'false alarm deaths' of other artistes...take for example Rick Ashley. I can give you more examples but my tweet sounds are alerting me.

Ooh...gotta go! Some people have DM-ed me. Will tweet this post soon.

BREAST IS BEST

2011-09-17T09:46:00.005+08:00

A breastfeeding flashmob held at KLCC recently

I am a failure.

These four words kept playing in my mind when I made the decision to switch to formula instead of sticking to breast milk, 7 weeks after the birth of my firstborn. When I told my mummy friends this, the wagging of their fingers began without them really trying to explain how I could benefit. Perhaps if someone had shown some understanding then, I might have listened more.

Fast forward to my second pregnancy, I am now more aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. In fact, the goodness of providing breast milk is so established that the World Health Organisation says all babies should be exclusively breastfed for at least 6 months. Breast milk is believed to be packed with all the nutrients your baby needs during these months, as well as antibodies so he or she can better fight off infection. It also sets baby up for a healthy life. Research shows that adults who were breastfed have lower cholesterol levels and blood pressure, as well as some protection against being overweight and developing Type 2 diabetes.
Mothers benefit from breastfeeding too. It reduces the risk of breast and ovarian cancers, as well as being a natural aid to getting back to the mother’s pre-pregnancy weight and trust me, after a few months of not seeing your own toes while standing up, you’d be more than delighted to lose the extra pounds gained as soon as possible!

And good news for those who are frugal- breastfeeding costs nothing and can help develop that mother and baby bond. And hey! Traveling is so much easier when you are breastfeeding. Just whoop out God’s gifts – and voila - instant milk at just the right temperature, so there is no need to lug around luggage for bottles and stuff.
So with all the pros, why then, is the rate of breastfeeding still quite low in some parts of the world, even in Malaysia?

Back then, I don’t think formula milk was readily accessible as it is today. I am pretty sure Eve had only her mammary glands to offer Cain as his source of food instead of a tin of milk in the Garden of Eden. So breastfeeding should be a natural process, right? Well, not exactly.
Though nursing does come naturally, it comes naturally a little later for some mothers and babies than for others. Sometimes, there are physical factors like engorged breasts and sore nipples that foil those first attempts; at other times it’s just a simple lack of experience on the part of both participants. I was the epitome of this malady. There was fumbling and bungled efforts and tears from both Isobel and I. I gave up and switched to cow’s milk.
This is not the only reason why some mothers retire from breastfeeding before the 6 months mark. Some find it cumbersome to breastfeed once they start work a month or two after confinement. There is the need for pumping during the baby’s ‘feeding time’ to ensure the breasts are stimulated for a constant supply of enough milk. This gets harder if the mother has a hectic job and worst, no conducive spot to pump or breastfeed.
Aishah Sinclair, TV host and mother to 1 year old Soraya is frustrated with the lack of baby friendly care rooms in public areas.

“I hate it that in Malaysia, they don’t have nursing rooms especially in malls. In Jakarta, most malls have a nursing room on every level!”
Actress and founder of Dynas Nursing Attire (DnA), Dynas Mokthar searched high and low for a place to breastfeed her daughter in a mall one day, and settled for a surau. She was unceremoniously chased out. This also happened on a public bench of a shopping centre in Kuala Lumpur, even though she had a poncho cover on top of the baby.
“ We are encouraged to breastfeed as it’s not just good for mother and baby, but in my religion, mothers receive pahala for breastfeeding. It’s frustrating that there is not enough public facilities or areas for favorable feeding and pumping”
Sazzy Falak, celebrity newbie mom to twins Imaan and Tiara agrees with both Aishah and Dynas.

“ Breastfeeding requires a comfortable, quiet location. I find it disturbing that the nursing rooms are inside toilets that are quite often smelly, dirty and cold.”
I went to check out a few popular malls within the Klang Valley to see how true this was – and sadly, my celeb friends were right.
I am surprised that although breastfeeding is given the thumbs up – the act of breastfeeding in public is frowned upon in some cases. I recall a mother scowling at me when I first breastfed Isobel in public (mind you, breast and baby were covered under a nursing shawl) and scowling mom said to her son, “ish! Tengkok nak… tak senonah nak menyusu dikhayalak ramai!” (See son…how disgusting that she is breastfeeding in public!)

Unfortunately, despite knowing the benefits of breastfeeding, the rates are not going to change overnight, particularly in deprived places. Hence the important need for breastfeeding in public to be accepted with the proper amenities provided. Working mothers should also be granted flexibility from the workforce to allow them to express their milk accordingly. It would also be great to have a stronger and more prominent breastfeeding support group here in Malaysia to help mothers like myself, to not give up on giving their child- the best nature has to offer.

Dynas with daughter Khyra at the flashmob.

Daphne is looking forward to breastfeeding her baby exclusively for at least a year. Share your breastfeeding tips with her via daphne@daphneiking.com or tweet her at @daphCLPT. Picture courtesy of Dynas Mokhtar. Daphne and her rojak family would like to wish all Malaysians Selamat Hari Malaysia!

----

Some feedback from the public after the article was published. Ironic that the majority came from the daddies! =)

(Thank you for allowing me to publish the feedback)

FROM ZAHID TAIB:

Hi!

I read with much interest your article in The Star today with regard to breastfeeding.

My wife and i are staunch believer on breatsfeeding. My first born was breastfed by my wife for more than 12 months. Our second was also breastfed.

One important thing that we learned that i think must be mentioned is the support of the father in the process, especially to first time mothers who want to start breastfeeding. The support is vital for mothers to continue and be motivated in particular during the early stages of breastfeeding.

The problems or difficulties of swelling, latching, frustration and what nots could discourage mothers from continuing breastfeeding the baby. This is where the father can help with support and encouragement to the mother.

Both, mother and father should also read and get knowledge on breastfeeding.

I guess what i am trying to say here is that breastfeeding is not a mother's job alone. Fathers must play his role as well. My wife and i always advise our friends that breastfeeding is a three-way process involving mother, baby and the father! The benefits are enjoyed by all three as well. :)

Thanks!

FROM MICHAEL HOOI

Good on you, Daphne!

I'm glad you are speaking up for breast-feeding as this practice should be more widely publicised & encouraged, mostly because it is the best & healthiest option for all babies.

Luckily, shopping malls in Australia, where I come from, are more baby-friendly. Also it is not unusual to see a mother breast-feeding in public nowadays while other people maintain a discreet distance.

FROM PATRICIA MAK

Hi Daphne,

I wish u all the best in exclusive breast feeding for yr next child . I am a mum with a 14 yr old son & am working too. It is possible to TBF your baby if u prepare yrself mentally & physically. U will need all the support u during that moment. I am a State Registered Nurse, specialised in neonatal care nursing & children & also a child educator, a Montessorian. I will be gladly assist u if u need any extra help in breast feeding or early childhood care.

Take care & do yr best in BF .

Selamat Hari Malaysia

2011-09-16T02:09:00.001+08:00

The project I was involved with is finally OUT!

Know your rights. Exercise your rights.

UNDILAH bagi masa depan anda dan anak-anak anda,

Coming soon...

2011-09-06T10:22:00.003+08:00

The UNDILAH Video

16th September 2011

I was talking with kakak and mum about work - and the topic of whining began.

The conclusion to the discussion was this-- if you have to whine/complain/bitch; find a constructive solution to amend matters and not just point fingers or pass the buck when the blame game steps in.

So for those who keep complaining/are unhappy with how things are running in our country, choose your leaders wisely.

EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT AS A CITIZEN TO VOTE!

Undilah...jangan tidur.

=)

Video to be launched on Malaysia Day.

Father & Son - Cat Stevens (Yusof Islam)

2011-08-27T14:16:00.001+08:00

An inspiring song for the weekend before Aidilfitri.

Tear jerker ad. Kudos Digi

2011-08-27T12:58:00.004+08:00

For Raya, I would like to apologise for the hurt I've caused. For not doing my part in investigating when my instinct told me to -- for being in denial and not reporting some wrong I saw. For not believing. For allowing him to hit, ridicule and cause pain. For being ignorant. For being arrogant. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

An addiction hard to explain

2011-08-19T13:52:00.005+08:00

An addiction hard to explain

A Different Spin

The Star Metro - 19th August 2011

By DAPHNE IKING

WHEN playing ‘house’ as a child growing up in Canterbury, my self-made purse contained Monopoly money, a mirror of an empty compact powder taken from mum’s dresser, a hanky and a half-full bottle of Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.My Caucasian playmates would either ridicule me or sniff in curiosity this minty smelling concoction that I would carry around instead of the more popular (or accepted) Barbie lipstick and/or a mini hairbrush.For as long as I can remember, my family always had some form of menthol smelling oil or ointment lying at home.

“Nah…Cakapak!”

It was the ‘magic remedy’ for nausea, headaches, stomach-aches, colds and even insect bites.

How Colgate is to toothpaste, Cakapak to the Ikings was anything of that similar smell and purpose. From the Malaysian brand Minyak Angin Cap Kapak — to Vicks, Tiger Balm, Yu Yee Oil Cap Limau, Bosisto’s Parrot Brand, Telon Oil and Vapex — all of which have similar ingredients of menthol crystals, camphor and sometimes, eucalyptus oil.

Many Asian homes introduce this distinct smelling oil to even the newest addition of the family.

A bit of oil is rubbed gently onto the tummy of a newborn and then swathed with a mini bengkung or tummy wrap, believed to reduce wind trapped in the stomach. I love the smell of newborn babies who have just bathed for this reason.

You know how songs and smells remind you of special moments in your life? Well, the smell of Cakapak takes me back to memories of comfort, happiness and home.

This ‘miracle wonder’ is not always welcomed by every member of the family. My sister simply hated the smell because it reminded her of sick people and she would feign nausea every time she caught a whiff of it, to which my younger brother would cheekily grab a bottle and say “nah kak…Cakapak!”

Years later, it evolved and came in a form of the nasal inhaler. The little white nozzle plugs into the nose and finds itself in the pockets of those who have grown attached to it.

I have early morning sinusitis, so I never leave home without my cylinder buddy. I am also very sensitive to stinky odours and sniffing my inhaler or rubbing a bit of balm underneath my nose helps mask or purge any unbearable smell.

It also comes handy when entertaining young children (or childlike adults).

Just stuff an inhaler (or two) up your nose — and voila! Perfect way to keep the kids smiling when complemented with a few animated gestures and sounds!

My ever-so-sensible sister told me that my “ridiculous addiction” to theCakapak was worrisome.

Even more when I started a trend in highschool of carrying it around and using it like perfume.

It did become a fashion fad (along with the brightly coloured flannel hankies that I would hang loosely in my pocket to add a bit of zest to the horrible blue pinafore).

I started a trend of drilling a hole on my inhaler and hanging it around my neck — my cool version of a ‘medicinal doggy tag’ and I was constantly swirling it around during sports and choir practice. It was also my lucky charm — or so I liked to believe.

Over the years, I grew out of my necklace but never left home without it. My husband finds my loyalty to my oils and balms endearing and has learnt to accept the smell — for better or for worse.

My sister might be right about this addiction though. Even when I’m not suffering from a cold or headache, or when the air is sweet-smelling, I find myself habitually sniffing the plastic tube or rubbing the fragrant fatty ointment under my nose.

I guess I just like the nice smell in my nose.

So forget the mobile phone, wallet and keys. My essential must-have is this sharp, minty zing of the Cakapak. It’s cool in every aspect of the way.

Daphne is delighted that she can whip her cylindrical companion without odd stares here in Thailand. The Thais support this vapour fetish or known to them as the yaa dom and is toted like any other cosmetic, serving as a socially accepted prop and as an alternative to smoking. Daphne can be reached at daphne@daphneiking.com or via twitter @daphCLPT.

Celebrating 45th in grandeur

2011-08-19T09:20:00.002+08:00

My husband will turn 43 next year. Told him we shall do something ubercool for his next birthday -- but I DOUBT we will do what Public Bank did for their 45th year anniversary. Check this video out!

Relationship Status

2011-08-15T11:53:00.002+08:00

I told my husband, I miss acting and was wondering if I should do another drama/telemovie/film before I pop. I was already in my second trimester when Khairil Bahar and team contacted me about doing an indie movie with him. Talk about Law of Attraction! I'm honored to be part of this project. Here's a sneak peek into the set of RELATIONSHIP STATUS.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Scheduled out early next year; I'm excited!

if you can't afford one, hire one!

2011-08-15T11:21:00.001+08:00

Baby to Five

2011-08-02T08:40:00.002+08:00

Hubs bought this home last night and told Isobel and I to start jotting down things for the newbie coming to our lives soon. There was one part, our family tree which we needed to write, and that's where I the IKING BB chat got really busy. I can't remember my grandparents fullnames!

Before they were Catholics, they had your (very typical) Kadazandusun names. And then after baptism, there's Confirmation, so another name is given. Like grandma's name is Kurisang Roslind Lundang.

=) I just know her as Todu.

This little one has an interesting family tree.

And I can't wait to share our stories with him/her.

*smile*

Common mistakes in Ramadan

2011-07-29T12:48:00.002+08:00

Found this to be an interesting read, especially for a Mualaf like myself.

Ramadan by Ahmad Jibril

Ramadan 2011

2011-07-29T11:30:00.006+08:00

Moslems around the world are expected to observe the annual month of fasting in 3 days time. This will be my first Ramadan as a moslem. I was told that I am exempted from fasting as it can pose a health threat to my unborn child and I. Nonetheless, I have read that it is not a complete no. There are some pregnant mummies who opt to fast on alternate days - and that fasting was not worrisome probably because "Allah gives you strength and protects your unborn child".

However, it is always wise to consult with your doctor or midwife should you opt to fast. I will probably try fasting for the first few days - which many say is the hardest for most moslems (even non pregger ones) because the body is adapting to fasting and getting our daily work/chores done like normal.

As in my previous posts, I have fasted before during the Ramadan since my Uni days - and of course, during lent. And similiar to Lent, it's not just about abstaining from food, (fasting for catholics defer for each individual, but in general, unlike fasting for the moslems, they are allowed one (small & simple) meal - usually it's breakfast or lunch) but also doing penance and to avoid unpleasant behavior such as lying, back-biting and cheating, while making extra effort to be kind and charitable, to fight against the ego, to perform extra acts of worship and to appreciate what we have and what others do not have.

I guess this time it will be different as I will be praying as a moslem this time around. Fasting during the Ramadan is one of the 5 pillars in Islam. Many people go to the mosque to perform extra prayers in congregation called the Terawih prayers. Every night, during these prayers, one thirtieth of Quran is also recited, so that by the end of the month, the entire Quran has been read. I will need to check if I am unable to fast, can I still participate in this (Terawih prayers etc). Surely I can right?

It is said that during the last 10 days, Moslems try and spend as much time worshipping at the masjid or mosque as possible. Some take this time to visit Mecca and Medina. About the former, I'm not sure if this applies to the men only.

It's going to be very different even for hubby as we are away during this Holy Month. We have found halal meat sold at the Tesco Lotus (Praise God) and apparently around the Nana area, there are many halal dishes sold there (many Arabs are said to live there). Whatever it is, I am looking forward to Ramadan - and celebrating the Eid-ul-Fitr once the Ramadan is over. InsyaAllah, all will be well. Not just with this fasting month, but with healing hearts too. Godwilling, forgiveness and acceptance will take place. I shall doa for this.

* more reading material

Al-Jazeera's news report on Murdoch, Apple & NASA

2011-07-29T10:52:00.001+08:00

My article for The Star Metro 21st July 2011

2011-07-28T16:01:00.004+08:00

Opting for natural birth despite naysayers

Star Metro

21st July 2011

WHEN I was expecting my first child, I knew that pain was not an option and decided for a Caesarean or a C-section.

I wouldn’t have to endure labour pains and I could more or less, schedule the time of birth in advance.

My parents and mummy friends did not understand my reluctance for natural birth and kept persuading me to go au naturel, but I was adamant and my obstetrician was very supportive in my decision.

Prior to my OB giving me the green light, she did warn me about the pros and cons on elective C-sections before giving me the cheer boost I was desperately searching for in sealing my decision.

A real bond: Daphne with Isobel when she was two weeks old.

Going through the surgery gives the mother better control to plan childcare and work leave and it is relatively quick compared to vaginal birth.

There is also less fear of reduction or loss of sexual enjoyment and research shows that mothers are more likely to be less stressed, as there is no labour pain or fear of an episiotomy (an incision on the perineum).

However, the downside to it has its worrying disadvantages — from surgical complications, increased blood loss and infection of the uterus and incision site; to internal scar tissue that may affect future fertility, discomfort during breastfeeding and an increased likelihood of postpartum depression.

The coward in me opted for C-section and since I was at it, a feng-shui consultant was called in to give us an auspicious date and time of ‘delivery’. Fast forward four years later, here I am again in my second pregnancy bloated, frumpier and less active. The difference? I am ready to endure natural labour. Hooray!

I was blessed with a fast postnatal surgery recovery; and I was up and about ready for work at the studio on my 30th day of confinement — so why the sudden change of heart on my birthplan this time around?

I guess I am less afraid and more informed on the advantages of natural birth. After much thought, I have decided to apply Mongan’s method on Hypnobirthing for a supposedly pain-free labour and to try waterbirth as my choice of delivery.

Now here is the confusing part.

I am currently in Thailand to accompany my husband for work. Since I am here, I have to look for a doctor for my antenatal checkups and ideally, he or she must consider and respect my birthing wishes. Prior to us settling down here, I went around looking for that healthcare provider only to be disheartened that most, if not all, were against Vaginal Birth After Caesarean or medically known as VBAC (Vee-back).

Frustrating to say the least, hubby and I went to all the top medical centres only to be told that they don’t do VBAC because mothers like me are in the high-risk group.

So here I am, ready for natural birth and I’m not getting the support or rather, professional help for it.

I was told that the risk of a uterine rupture was the main reason why I should go for C-section again.

I went back to my Malaysian gynae and unloaded my annoyance to her. She told me that VBACs have historically received a bad rap because of methods of incision that were originally used, such as the classical and inverted T.

But mine was a low transverse or fashionably known as the ‘bikini cut’ which is supposedly safer and prettier (I can still don a bikini without worry of the ugly scar on my tummy). So what gives?

My Thai friends and very cynical husband have come up with their own theories why the doctors in Thailand refuse to do VBACs. First, they think it’s because doing a C-section allows the hospital to make more money, and second, to make the doctor’s life easier so he or she is able to plan their surgery according to their time. They’re probably right.

How sardonic is it that I am now ready for natural birth only to be warned against it. But just as adamant as I was on an elective C-section for my first born, I am strongly unbending about going quite the opposite this time around — even if it means getting a doula or a midwife to assist me in a home birth!

Hypnobirth predominantly deplores the myth of pain as a natural accompaniment to birth making it possible to experience gentle birth without the pain we quite often hear about or see in movies.

I’m not going to give up on VBAC but as Alanis Morissette would sing, Isn’t it ironic that life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right”.

Daphne is currently learning the Mongan Method with her birth companion and father of the child. Find out if she is able to go through a VBAC through her tweets on @DaphCLPT. If you have experienced VBAC and/or Hypnobirth previously, do email her at daphne@daphneiking.com as she’d very much love to hear from you.

Thursday Musings

2011-07-28T14:58:00.004+08:00

I know I haven't been blogging regularly. Time is one factor. The other is, every konon inspiration I have to write, will be placed in my columns that I contribute to.

But after receiving so many beautiful and wonderful emails of late, I thought okay-lah, perhaps I should start blogging again. Plus, I always believe writing is therapeutic (unless you are chasing for a deadline that is =P)

I am currently in the midst of reading a compilation of articles about King Bhumipol, the current king of Thailand. Such a revered man here and now, from what I've been reading; I understand why. Even as a non-Thai, I feel very proud of his achievements and his sincere love and dedication to his people. Before a movie is played in the cinemas here, a song is specially dedicated to this highly intelligent and lovable husband & dad, father of the Thais -- and I too, stand proud amongst the Thais giving my respect to this frail old monarch.

Being away from home makes me see my own country from a different point of view. When the Bersih 2.0 rally happened, I read the reports from twitterverse and online. I also watched how BBC, Channel News Asia and Al-Jazeera reported the events. Aiming to remain 'neutral' -- it was hard not to feel sad, no wait- sad, slightly annoyed and disappointed, that such a beautiful country like Malaysia is facing all this. Today, I received a forwarded email that had pictures 'comically' (if not meanly) written about our leader(s) and their wiv(es). Yes. I know our system is less than perfect, but surely there is a better (and more matured way) of 'campaigning'.

I have tried to read between the lines, or to read different sources of reports to try and grasp the full story of each politician/situation -- and not base my thoughts on just one news report (especially if it's mainstream which we sort of come to accept as 'part of the system') as I don't want things to be taken out of context. Like I have always advocated, there is always, always 2 sides of a story -- but you know what? After going through the reports and trying to remain neutral, I get more frustrated. Why? Because somethings are just so plain silly.

There are just so many good things in Malaysia that we often take for granted. I pray that everyone is able to set apart their differences aside and to come really as ONE to do what's best for her - Malaysia and the beautiful motley of race, creed, religion and culture that she has with her. I pray for our leaders to be wise and fair, honest and willing to take criticism and for our rakyat to be proud of what sets us apart from the other countries with many ethnic groups living together as well as the other rich gifts our country has to offer. I pray that we will be able to embrace the love of mother nature to a higher, deeper level; so we can allow future Malaysians to enjoy her natural gifts to us. I pray that leaders from all parties, NGOs and the rakyat are able to work TOGETHER for a better Malaysia.

Amen.

Having said that and being here in the Land of Smiles, listening to the opinions of my Thai friends and understanding what really is taking place on the political front of Thailand, safe to say, I am even more adamant about making sure Malaysia grows up 'healthily'. Yes. We celebrate Malaysia's 54th birthday next month - a grandma to some, but definitely still a baby compared to some nations.

July

2011-07-25T09:35:00.002+08:00

Can you believe that it's just one more week till we welcome August - the fasting month and the month we celebrate our independence?

Wasn't it just a few days ago that I celebrated my birthday with the family?

Now is the only time there is. Make your now wow, your minutes miracles, and your days pay. Your life will have been magnificently lived and invested, and when you die you will have made a difference.
--Mark Victor Hansen

Will be blogging some pictures from Hua Hin soon.

Praise God

2011-07-25T09:24:00.000+08:00

Talk less, listen harder

2011-07-18T15:56:00.000+08:00

Talk less, listen harder

Say whatttt?

2011-07-14T21:14:00.003+08:00

Entertainment outlets, including karaoke centres and discotheques, will not be allowed to operate during Ramadan in Kedah.

Read on thestaronline the above.

Say whatttttt?

Forgive me; but surely those fasting during the Holy month would know what's best for them spiritually. Imposing a ban on entertainment hubs during the Ramadan just seems condescending.

What do you think?

14072011

2011-07-14T20:32:00.002+08:00

I read my first Harry Potter book many, many moons ago and was one of those who eagerly pre-booked the next paperback gleefully at our local bookstores.

When the first Harry Potter movie came out in 2001, I was very upset that I didn't get to watch the movie 'fresh on it's release date'. Instead, I had to wait 4 days with crappy seats. I watched the movie 3 times with 3 different batch of Harry Potter crazed fans and have been hooked ever since.

Well, till Isobel came to my life.

I am not sure if it's cause more pressing issues were at stake, or if I agreed to a certain degree on the negative reviews of the later books/movies that was written/made; but my interest waned and I was no longer Pottified. On a hindsight, I was probably the latter cause eventually, I got bored of the "boy who couldnt die" - he was portrayed in the movie as a wuss more than a hero. Or perhaps my attention swayed to Hermione instead. I find her delightfully beautiful.

Anyway, now that things are settling down - and there is a bit of leeway to breathe; I'm relenting to the last-movie-Potter craze and have driven my husband nuts getting tickets to catch it on it's release day.

Last night, we wanted to get our tickets on iMax only to be disappointed that all good seats....correction...ALL SEATS were SOLD!

So, we only have our tickets to watch Harry Potter's finale on Saturday.

Trying not to read the reviews and have asked media friends back home (who had premier tickets *sizzle*) not to spoil the surprise for me.

One thing for sure, I am looking forward to date night with hubs this Sat. Alhamdulillah we got tickets, even if it's not on release date; I'm feeling blessed anyway. Plus, I have a feeling we have something to celebrate on that day too =)

Wheeee!

=(

2011-07-14T19:17:00.000+08:00

God bless you Aunty Annie. This is my friend's mum.

Daphne bakes her own Macarons with Redribbon Days

2011-06-22T18:31:00.004+08:00

Recently, I went for a Macaron baking class with my good friend Sherin from Redribbon Days. My recent trip to Melbourne got my husband and I loving the Macarons introduced by Ming Ne & her. So, to commemorate World Environment Day early this month, I pledged my support in reducing carbon footprints by learning to make my OWN macarons locally (the chef lived literally next door to me! So we just walked over for our class)

My husband Azmi was my chief critic....

Phew. Pass. Or maybe he's bias/takut bini. =)

Thank you Redribbon days for yet ANOTHER great experience!

Renovation and Stress Part 2

2011-06-21T12:40:00.003+08:00

Holes holes everywhere! Renovations and building a home is said to be high stress factors. Renovations on a timeline is worst. Especially when you are a pregnant, working mother on a tight budget. But fret not! Thanks to my previous experience renovating a home while carrying Isobel 4 years ago, I have learnt to handle the stress a tad bit better this time around. Here are my tips when renovating:

1. Expect completion to take longer than anticipated

Even though my cabinet guys told me that it would take only 2 weeks to install everything, I gave them a month (but you don't tell them your "real" deadline -- or they will take their time). Make sure you tell the management office (if you are staying in a gated community or condo) in advance about the renovations/movers coming in and out. Most require deposits. So be prepared to fork out RM1-2k on deposit.

2. Don't load yourself with extra commitments.

My husband, maid and I had to take turns looking after the contractors coming in and out. So during this busy period, I didn't take on extra jobs (okay Khai's movie was an exception =) Check out Relationship Status - scheduled to be released year end)

3. Be kind to your contractors.

They are only human. Allow them to have their lunch/tea breaks. They will normally pack their own lunchboxes, but I always make sure they have cold drinks to quench their thirst. Speak to them nicely and they'll be pleasant to you (and your home). The best tradespeople are high in demand and probably have clients who are on a tight deadline and/or budget just like yourself. So be firm yet kind to them.

4. Expect extra expenses

That's why there is a MISC in everyone's budget!

For some reason, the design of this house didn't plan the placing of the aircon compression units thoroughly. So after speaking to our aircon guys, we found out we needed to do quite a bit of drilling and extra ceiling plastering which eventually set us back RM1500!

That's my Pensonic Fresh Cool aircon set up yesterday -- I use the aircon just to cool the room down. So make sure you get a unit that has a sleep function.

Green tip: Draw the curtains to reduce sunshine coming in to cool the room during the day and to reduce usage of aircon. Also use energy saving bulbs like the Pensonic ones below to reduce electricity.

Pensonic Starlight bulbs : High efficiency, 80% Energy Saving Over Standard Bulbs, Instant Start, Longer Lifespan ( last up to 8000hrs) and Excellent Brightness.

5. Check your builders work constantly.

Monitor the work closely so that can rectify any mistake/misunderstanding the contractors make before they become "built-in". I had an ID guy to handle this for me previously, but even then, I was anal about details. Finding out too late is very stressful as it will most likely involve a confrontation with the builder, not to mention te ramifications of that dispute! Because we have different contractors coming in on same days for different jobs, I made it clear to everyone that everyone was liable if my floors got scratched, or things get broken etc.

Hope this helps!

Renovations & Stress

2011-06-20T22:11:00.004+08:00

We are currently in the midst of doing some minor renovations for our new home. It's been crazy to say the least and because this time around, I'm scouting around for my own contractors/lights/curtains/flooring/cabinets as opposed to hiring an ID man to do the job for me to save cost, things get more haywire. (Unlike previously, where I had the luxury of getting Nick to help me out)

For this new place, I'm aiming for a more environmentally friendlier home. Hence the minimum renovations and using local stuff/products to reduce carbon footprints. We have a huge jacuzzi tub that I plan to take out and use for my little garden when things are more settled. With the second one on the way, there is only so much (or little) energy left inside me.

I feel old. =P

My Pensonic goodies have finally arrived. Why choose Pensonic? For two reasons. One, it's Malaysian owned-and-grown and is the nation's first "Made in Malaysia" electrical home appliances (buy Malaysian products yo! Reduce carbon footprints), and two, they have come up with an eco range. So my aircons, heaters, TV, kitchen appliances and washing machine are Pensonic products. Even my lights have Pensonic Energy saving bulbs!

Now we are in the midst of fixing our aircons in. Heaters and bathroom fixtures are up. Walk-in closet and kitchen cabinet is currently being installed. My Macy furniture was sent last week (locally assembled Malaysian furniture) -- even the 'kadazandusun' inspired sofa that I designed for charity has arrived!

Speaking of which: Check out this link to find out how you can win yourself a 42" TV!

http://www.facebook.com/MacyNews?sk=app_114126342008010

I am not a huge fan of parquet flooring. But like I said, I wanted to not just save cost, but to reduce wastage, so I'm finding ways to deflect the attention off the floor to something else. I'm starting from scratch on most stuff, but for the nursery, I will be repainting Isobel's old cot for her younger sibling. That's going to be our little pet project next week. Can't wait!

(Hubby is scoffing at us, but I'm gonna show him =) )

I will however, be investing a bit of money on the dining and guest livingroom area floor downstairs where the library and study is. Again, Mother Nature is remembered, so I am getting ekowood flooring (they believe in sustainable forest management). That will be installed once I am back in form. Going for a darker shade to complement the white shelves and dark wooden dining set.

Will post pictures soon and blog part two on how to reduce renovation stress.

Ohmmm....

I don't want to be sad anymore

2011-06-09T19:41:00.001+08:00

I've been down of late. But someone shared this video with me and now I feel slightly better if not blessed.

Adele Rolling in the Deep

2011-06-09T01:36:00.003+08:00

I am profound respect for this young lady. Amazing vocal abilities. Now I'm tempted to continue writing the song in my head. Maybe I will get the fender.

Both Sides Now

2011-06-09T00:18:00.002+08:00

This is one of my favourite Joni Mitchell songs. Beautiful lyrics and such moving music.

"I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all"

How true...

by Joni Mitchell

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds * that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

An inspiring artist - Beyonce

2011-06-09T00:02:00.002+08:00

Bed of roses it is not

2011-06-08T22:17:00.007+08:00

Life is not always how we picture it to be.

I sit here alone in the office with my little girl playing with my hair,taking a breather from the crazy day I just had. It's been awhile since I've done a movie shoot and with the clumsiness of my typical blur-self, it's been tough trying to get some shots done (my character is not pregnant). But we killed all shots within the time frame and I had a fantastic time catching up with the team.

Speaking of clumsiness...last week, I fell into a manhole. My baby bump saved me from going all the way in =) Here's the report:-

Saved by 'baby bump'

Being pregnant has its advantages

SHUHAIDAH SAHARANI

Thursday, June 2nd, 2011 13:28:00

DAPHNE IKING (pic) looked radiant when met at a perfume launch event in KLCC recently.

But behind that beautiful smile, Daphne is nursing some cuts and bruises after falling into a manhole just a few days before.

“I was at Jalan Alor to have a dinner meeting with the Bella (ntv7) team and I was walking up and down the pavement trying to get a glimpse of the crew's car (they were lost).

"Then I spotted them, so I ran to grab their attention that they had found the place — and then I fell unglamorously into a manhole!” said the Sabahan beauty.

She was on her own, while her husband Azmi Abdul Rahman (Joe) waited for their table with her three-year-old daughter Isobel Daniella, unaware she had fallen.

Daphne added that she was very lucky not to have fallen all the way in, thanks to her baby bump.

“I injured both legs with cuts and bruises. Surprisingly, despite the bump holding me from going all the way in, there was no injury or bruise on the tummy and baby is fine.

“(Azmi) was shocked and deeply concerned.”

Needless to say, her husband doesn't allow her to walk alone anymore.

Talking about her baby, we wondered when the baby was due, if she already knew the gender and if the couple had picked a name yet.

“We want to keep all that a surprise!” smiled the 32-year-old.

Daphne was at the Bvlgari cocktail launch of its latest women eau de parfum fragrance, Bvlgari Mon Jasmin Noir, representing ntv7 for Bella, along with her co-hosts, Elaine Daly and Deborah Henry.

The anchors of the daily English language women's talk show were acknowledged by Bvlgari for Bella’s inspiring representation of every empowered Malaysian woman.

Sometimes we all go into a manhole-- coming out bruised and battered, but still able to limp if not walk. A pal of mine was down in the dumps recently because of some unkind rumors emerged of 'her past'. She asked me how I have coped with some nasty allegations and speculation in the past. I gave her my 'strong' answer.

"You can't go pleasing everyone. Alhamdulillah for fitnah orang ...because you get pahala for their nasty slanderous remarks"

This answer usually helps me feel better when unpleasant news get to me. But somedays, especially when the news involves other family members, I naturally get worked up - and no matter how I try to detach myself from feeling that way, I still feel hurt and angry.

My first reaction is to defend myself. I mean...who wants to be called names right? Moreso, when it from those who don't even know me!

But I tried that for the few months - and it only drained me out even more. So I stopped. I stopped explaining...stop "sharing". I just kept quiet.

Sure...it didn't stop people from still passing judgements or being being downright mean; but it gave me the peace of staying away from such negativities. Life is not a bed of roses. Never will be -- but I am humbled that despite all that has happened, I am still blessed with a beautiful child and a new addition coming soon!

When 100 strangers say the nasties about you, or when you walk into a manhole unknowingly -- smile for the 10 who have stayed by your side and believed in you --- nursing your cuts and bruises and making sure you're back on the circuit sharing your love and passion with the people and causes that make YOU happy.

And as difficult as it is, forgive those who have said ignorant stuff about you -- and seek pardon from those you may have intentionally or unintentionally hurt.

God bless everyone...

My article for The Junior Academy

2011-06-07T00:18:00.003+08:00

In my last post, I shared my pregnancy story about how my 3 year old was the one who cleverly pointed out her unborn sibling growing inside of me; even before my husband and I knew he/she existed.

Now that I am prominently showing, Isobel and I have a special night ritual where we kiss the baby goodnight and sing songs to baby (my husband wants the sex of our baby to remain a surprise – so for the convenience of this article, we shall name him/her ‘baby’.) Even though Bel is very excited about the addition to the family, I want to continue this exercise so that baby and Bel can start bonding early.

Anyway, just a few days ago Isobel tells me she’s expecting a baby too. You cannot imagine my shock when she said that. I smiled at her and quickly SOS –ed the hubby.

“Bel thinks she’s pregnant. Need you el-pronto!”

I think I am quite liberal when it comes to parenting – during bathtime, I point out to her our private parts and I’ve explained that noone else can touch her but myself and the nanny. And I always advocate sex education being taught in school – but I didn’t expect to discuss this with my daughter at such a young age!

I recall learning about the birds and the bees through the children encyclopedias that my father bought second hand from the garage sales in the UK. My sister, who is 2 years older than me (and much smarter, may I add) read it loud to me when I was about 5 years old. My younger brother Mozes Jr thought babies came out from kettles – and mum was quick to explain that it was not true. And trust mum (bless her soul) to tell us the truth about reproduction through her teaching apparatus (she’s a nurse tutor in the College of Nursing back home).

But I’m miles away from my mother and I have a very indignant 3 year old rubbing lotion on her tummy so she doesn’t get ‘stretch marks’ from carrying her baby.

How do I handle this?

I decide to ‘facebook’ this and search for answers from other mummies out there.

Someone suggested I tell her that there are many different pockets in our tummy in which one is for food, and one is for the baby. Then further elaborate that she’s been eating a lot of yummy food, hence the fuller stomach.
That could work. So I did just that. Isobel’s retort?

“So how come mama got baby inside?”

I decided to follow my gut instincts and told her this:

“Mama and Papa loves each other so much that we decided we wanted another baby- we created a baby sibling for you Bel, so you have another friend to play with. And God granted us this blessing because Mama and Papa have been united in love with God as our witness.”

She didn’t ask anymore questions after that. Neither does she think she’s preggers anymore. I think Papa and I need to sit down and be prepared for the next round of questions in the near future.

Please Read

2011-06-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

Police mustn't dally on domestic violence deaths

Sarah Thwaites
May 31, 11
5:37pm

Women's Aid Organisation (WAO) wishes to extend its sincere condolences to the family of Pakiam Subramaniam, who died in Kedah in February this year, five months after her wedding.

It is tragic when a young person passes away and it is especially traumatic for Pakiam's family as Pakiam's father M Subramaniam believes that his daughter was the victim of domestic violence after seeing the severe injuries that she had allegedly sustained. M Subramaniam has also said that the police have failed to investigate the case, which led him to seek help from Malaysia's national human rights commission, Suhakam.

A thorough investigation into the death of Pakiam must be carried out by the police and Pakiam's family must be kept informed of the progress of the investigation. Section 120 of the Criminal Procedure Code states that police investigations must be "completed without unnecessary delay". Pakiam's family deserves to know the truth about her death and if it is the case that Pakiam was the victim of domestic violence, then the perpetrator/s must be brought to justice for the crimes committed.

WAO has been working with women who have experienced domestic violence for almost three decades. We have encountered numerous cases of women who have suffered domestic abuse in silence and have died in the home at the hands of abusive partners or family members. When women die in suspicious circumstances in the home, domestic violence must always be considered as a possibility and investigations and autopsies must be carried out.

The family of Pakiam Subramaniam has endured enough with the loss of their daughter. The hospital, police and all other authorities involved must treat the family with respect, care, compassion and openness during what must be the most distressing time of their lives.

Sarah Thwaites is programme officer of Women's Aid Organisation.

Need a new Sofa?

2011-06-01T20:15:00.000+08:00

10 of us have designed our own sofas with Macy and are now on sale at the Macy Ikano store. All proceeds go to the Yayasan Chow Kit.

Mine was inspired by my kadazandusun roots. If wood and dark retro is not your thing, you still have 9 other limited edition sofas to choose from.

(Ok...fine. Isobel helped with my sofa)

The Truth About White Lies

2011-05-29T01:41:00.003+08:00

Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats (Official Music Video).

Someone posed this question to me recently- “Is changing the contact details and name/gender of an ex considered cheating?” I asked her to elaborate.

“ I found out Jay (her husband) changed the name of his ex-girlfriend Jean to “Andy” in his phonebook and that they are still in touch. Do you think he is cheating on me, Daph?”

I casually told her, “Technically no – but if he has nothing to hide, there shouldn’t be a reason for him to change her contact details”.

I do hope I said the right thing.

She finally confronted him and he swore there was nothing going on. He explained to her that he didn’t want to upset her with the truth - he still wanted to remain friends with his ex. She snapped back saying she wouldn’t have a problem if only he had come clean with her. Suffice to say, she didn’t buy his story and he came to unload to me.

I shared my thoughts with him and he told me that sometimes a white lie is to prevent the other person from being hurt. I told him gently, that the fact he hid the truth from her had caused her more pain, hence her insecurity and anger.

Sigh. I hate being put in the middle.

So when is it okay to tell a white lie?

We all have fibbed at least once in our lifetime. What more telling a white lie. Everyone tells a white lie on occasions, the question is why?

According to one blogger, stretching the truth is a natural component of human instinct because it’s the easy way out. Some white lies save relationships, some ease hectic situations and others buy us time.

I honestly feel if we aren’t hurting another person or breaking the law, these innocent white lies sometimes make life more pleasant.

The blogger adds that white lies can also absorb potential friction between our varying personalities and vacillating moods as we nudge into one another on the quest through our daily routine.

I asked a friend whom I’d considered quite an angel, if she had ever told a white lie. Her answer (which on a hindsight, could be her white lie to make me feel ‘better’) was this, “ Yes. Of course I’ve told a white fib. Who doesn’t stretch the truth right? It’s a diplomatic approach and a well-intentioned untruth.”

Now, allow me to make myself perfectly clear that I’m not one for lying or for telling people it’s okay to lie. Having said that, fudging the truth once in a while might actually be healthy when it comes to managing interpersonal relationships. I won’t lecture and tell you why telling the truth is highly important – we all know that the fundamental foundation of a strong relationship is based on our ability to rely and to trust those who are most dearest and closest to us. Now that we got that out of the way, let’s discuss some reasons or exceptions to why telling the truth, and nothing but the truth, might actually not apply in some cases.

Firstly, when the whole truth tears the person down and makes them feel horrible about themselves- We are not ‘obligated’ to tell the whole truth if it hurts someone’s feelings. “ Yes darling, you look gorgeous in that white dress” when she actually looks awful.

Or telling your 3 year old that her cupcake taste delicious even though it looks and taste nothing like the dessert you are more accustomed to.

And how about passing pleasantries like “Oh it’s okay…I don’t want to trouble you” or “I’m fine, it was just a small knock on the elbow”. Mild false truths make it easier for people to get along with and are primarily harmless in most cases.

But going back to the Jay and Elaine issue mentioned earlier, did it seem more of shielding the truth from her, than telling her a white lie? Was he wrong to have done what he did?

I won’t be the judge for this as matters of the heart can be complex and tricky at times. But I believe the major difference between a white lie and a hard lie is that a hard lie usually protects oneself, whereas a little white lie is said to protect someone else.

I think the easiest way to see if what you are doing is more for personal gain or for harmless,thoughtful pleasantry is this: Put yourself into the shoes of the other person. Would you appreciate it if the tables were turned?

For example, would Jay feel the same way if Elaine changed the details of her ex-boyfriend and shielded the truth from him as to ‘not hurt him’?

My mother told me that karma bites you when you least expect it. So I guess in everything we say or do, be thoughtful and think if this is the same type of treatment you want bestowed on yourself.

Daphne Iking once got caught for stealing a blueberry from the local supermarket. She told the shopowner that the berry was going to fall off anyway, so she might as well save the lady from cleaning up the mess. She got away but that incident scared her and since then, Daphne doesn’t like berries.Follow her tweets on @daphCLPT.

Different Spin - Pregnancy Woes

2011-05-29T01:29:00.005+08:00

On one of my mummy luncheons, I was sad to hear the plight of my friend who was rejected last minute for an emcee gig because they found out she was pregnant. Initially, she thought the client was concerned for her health, but she found out that the agency that hired her was afraid the client would no longer find her ‘attractive’. My svelte, first-time mother friend was barely 5 months pregnant and could still fit into an empire cut evening gown beautifully with just a slight bump showing. She left the rehearsals midway, in silent tears and shared her story with us.

Another mum, also in the entertainment industry, was dissed for getting pregnant after joining the show. Apparently, the Head of Wardrobe of that particular station had her knickers in a twist, trying to find outfits to make that presenter look less ‘pregnant’. To make matters worst, the programme she was to anchor, was a women’s show. Ironic huh?

Isobel before she chopped off her locks

While I was carrying Isobel, I was a constant worrywart. I worried about my food intake, the cramps in my third month, the 3 quiet days when I didn’t feel any fetal movement and I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to tolerate the pain during labour. I’m sure I am not the only expecting mother to feel this way – and according to the experts, all these fears are perfectly normal. So going through physical and emotional changes of the body during what should be, one of ‘your happiest moments’ of your life, is daunting enough and the last thing you want to worry about is being discriminated for procreation!

Picture of me when I was pregnant with Isobel Daniella

Isobel, Bapak & Mama

In Malaysia, we have the Maternity Protection law in the Malaysian Employment Act 1955, which outlaws employment discrimination against expectant mothers. But despite this legislation, the fact that pregnant women need to be treated as would any employee with a broken arm or other temporary disability – i.e., not get fired or demoted- seems to have not sank in.

Sikin, another mother whom I spoke to, had her yearly appraisal downgraded to just average the year she was expecting her first born. Apparently, she was told that she was less aggressive compared to the time she was not pregnant.

“The reason didn’t make sense. I knew what I was doing and I was certainly not underperforming. If at all, I felt I was more gung-ho!”

This was the same story for a news reporter who didn’t qualify for her yearly bonus because she was deemed ‘sluggish’ - incomparable to the other reporters in the newsroom. Was this fair? And what constitutes a just comparison?

Grace, an aquaintance, was initially touched that many people were concerned about her running around during her second pregnancy. However, things became irritating when ‘well meaning individuals’ thought they were doing her a favor by forbidding her to do what she needed to do.

I recall getting equally agitated when I was asked not to do this and that during my first pregnancy. I was humbled by their anxiousness, but I knew my own body better and was not going to allow someone stop me from doing something as simple as crossing the road by myself!

I was 4 to 5 months pregnant with Isobel here

Remember the court case back in 2005 between former Malaysia Airlines (MAS) stewardess Beatrice Fernandez who lost her battle against the national carrier for terminating her services when she became pregnant with her first child? She said the provisions in the MASEU (Malaysia Airlines Employees Union) Collective Agreement, still discriminates women.

Negotiations with MASEU increased the limit on the number of children from two to three before expecting them to resign or risk having their contract terminated. Despite these improvements, critics, including the Joint Action Group (JAG) against Violence Against Women, point out that unmarried stewardesses and those with less than five year’s experience still have no protection and the company has the right to terminate the contract if they get pregnant the fourth time around.

Many would agree with JAG, but for Christine, a Forest Researcher, she puts logic behind her reason for having pre-requisitions when hiring; “If I hire ladies, I’d ask if they’re single or if they’re married and ask if they plan to have babies because the job requires them to spend weeks scaling steep hills in the forest and living in rough conditions – not exactly an ideal place for pregnant women.”

She does agree though that it is not fair to pre-judge what a person can or cannot do regardless of their condition.

A research done in US showed complaints on pregnancy biasness on a rise. It seems that there is an underlying assumption that a woman will not be as interested in her work or as committed once she’s pregnant or has a baby. And then there are financial reasons as to why a firm may not want to hire a pregnant woman; her health insurance will be more expensive and she’ll have to take leave in the foreseeable future.

So what about the case scenario of my rejected emcee friend? What excuse can they logically give her? I was loss for words by an apparent study that summarized its research by this; “pregnant women gross people out”.

I was ready to clobber the mindset of these focus group subjects whose mother was once just as heavily pregnant carrying these ungrateful offsprings. But that’s research for you.

That prejudice may stem from an urge to give pregnant women lesser duties, and many might feel they’re doing the right thing – but I personally think they’re not. What do you think?

Daphne Iking is a mother to 3 year old Isobel Daniella. Besides the breastfeeding and confinement period, she had no problems with her first pregnancy and prays the same for her next one.

2011-04-05T19:28:00.005+08:00

Expressing freely: A lively street parade during the annual gay pride march in Cape Town, South Africa.

I was in Australia last week in the quaint town of Daylesford — Australia’s top spa destination, located about an hour-and-a-half drive away from Melbourne city. Previously a gold rush town, it had a certain funk and quirky aura to it which was definitely what I needed after a few months of uptightness enclosing me.

I noticed rainbow-coloured flags hung prominently outside most of its stores and cafes and asked my travelling buddies what they were.

“Daylesford is a liberal gay town. The rainbow flag shows either they’re gay, or support gay rights”

Interesting. I guess we learn something new every day.

I am an open-minded individual when it comes to taboo topics, thanks to my upbringing. I respect those who live alternative lifestyles and I’m always quite protective over those who choose to live this way and have many friends of colourful backgrounds to show for it. Hence my topic this week.

I would like to highlight a petition that I’ve signed to ramp up pressure for concrete action against ‘corrective rape’ — a criminal practice, whereby men rape lesbian women, purportedly as a means of “curing” the woman of her sexual orientation. How this absurd idea come about in this day and age, is simply disgusting and so very hard to comprehend.

This vicious crime is recurring in South Africa, where lesbians live in terror of attack. The term ‘corrective rape’ was first used in the early 2000s by human rights NGOs to describe rape against lesbians. A notable attack of this kind came in 2008 when the body of Eudy Simelane, star player for South Africa’s national football team, was found in a creek partially-clothed. She had been gang raped, beaten and stabbed 25 times in the face, chest and legs. She was one of the first women to live openly as a lesbian in KwaThema, Gauteng.

A year later, another rape victim lodged a report in the town of Gugulethu, Cape Town. Thirty-year-old Millicent Gaika was stopped by an acquaintance for a cigarette. She obliged and was then pushed by that man into a nearby shack, beaten and raped for five hours.

According to Gaika, her assaulter repeatedly said, “You think you’re a man, but I’m going to show you (that) you’re a woman.” Gaika too, lived openly as a gay woman.

You would think that South Africa, often called the Rainbow Nation, would be fighting hard against those marginalised right? Especially with it being revered globally for its post-apartheid efforts to protect against discrimination. According to Avaaz.org, local organisations record multiple ‘corrective rapes’ every week, and impunity continues to reign despite it being the first country to constitutionally protect citizens from discrimination based on their sexuality.

Sickening to the stomach, this heinous act is not even classified as a hate crime in South Africa. The victims are often black, poor, lesbian women, and profoundly marginalised. The 2008 gang rape and murder of Simelane, the national hero and former star of the Banyana Banyana, did not turn the tide. Despite this high profile case, South Africa’s minister of justice and constituitional development, Jeffrey Radebe, insists that motive is irrelevant in crimes like ‘corrective rape.’

South Africa is not just known as the land of Safari Adventure, but infamously as the rape capital of the world. A South African girl born today is more likely to be raped than she is to learn to read. According to Channel 4, one quarter of South African girls are raped before turning 16. This has many roots summarized by Avaaz.org — masculine entitlement (62 per cent of boys over 11 believe that forcing someone to have sex is not an act of violence), poverty, crammed settlements, unemployed and disenfranchised men, community acceptance — and, for the few cases that are courageously reported to authorities, there is no serious action taken.

I have a three-year-old daughter whose innocence will be protected by me for as long as I can. There has been some unkind speculation surrounding us, but I will shield her from all the nasties until the time is right for me to tell her what she needs to know. I will not know if she will grow up to like boys or girls, but naturally as a mum, I pray that she will find the wisdom and the clarity of mind to do what’s best for her and most of all, I pray that God will protect this beautiful child who has only brought light and laughter during my darkest moments.

‘Corrective rape’ and the petition against it is ultimately a battle with poverty, patriarchy, and homophobia. To stop this tide of rape, will require bold leadership and concerted action to spearhead transformative change in South Africa and across the continent. I hope and pray for all my sisters and our daughters in the world, that there will be a swift shift in public attitudes towards rape and homophobia, not just in South Africa, but all around the world.

E PETITION
Daphne Iking has signed the petition to South African president Zuma and Minister Radebe to publicly condemn ‘corrective rape’, criminalise hate crimes and ensure immediate enforcement, public education and protection to the victims of this terrible crime. Pledge your support through Avaaz.org

Lend a Hand to Japan Bake Sale

2011-04-05T19:10:00.003+08:00

Dear Parents, Friends and 'Strangers' on my blog;

It has been pretty hard to digest as we received news that Japan had a terrible earthquake followed by tsunami. Globally, everyone is trying to do a small part in helping our friends, from prayers to generous contributions.

The Junior Academy (FasTracKids Bangsar) will be selling baked goods to support the victims in Japan. The event will take place on 18^th April 2011, Monday at 10.00 a.m. onwards at the academy. Parents and kids from The Junior Academy will be pitching in and helping to make food. From cookies, buns, brownies and muffins to cakes, fruit pies or cupcakes. There will also be raffle prizes on that day (lucky draw prizes sponsored from retailers nearby the mall). Even for those who can't make it on that day, you can still buy raffle tickets and if you win, we will contact you to redeem your goodies! All funds received will benefit the Japan Red Cross Society relief efforts.

This is also an appropriate time for the kids involved to be engaged in a charity and learn the concept of helping people in times of need, besides enjoying some treats at school.

So for those who are planning to pop by to lend your support, you will be lending a hand in charity AND to help our little ones learn to be kindred souls =).

Food will be labeled with the name and list of ingredients in case you have some food allergies etc.

I will also be there to help out -- so do drop by if you are at Bangsar Village next week ya?

Thank you for reading ...

Help Support Japan!

Sincerely,

Daphne & Isobel

(spreading the love for The Junior Academy)

Choppity Chop says Bel

2011-04-05T17:32:00.002+08:00

While I was carrying Isobel, my (ex) mother in-law used to encourage me to look at beautiful pictures of cute babies and concentrate on looking at ‘features of the child that I wanted’ for my unborn baby. Since I was thinning in the eyelash department, I made sure I focused on that trait. I also ‘asked’ for thick, curly hair and a dimple on her right cheek (Hey! If you are going to do some baby-mother law of attraction whilst she/he is in the womb, might as well go all the way, no?)

And yes. I also prayed that the child would grow up healthy and normal.

So when she was delivered to the world (with Michael Jackson crooning in the background), I was happy she was healthy and normal. Still gooey from all the muck, I couldn’t see her eyes and she looked more like a shriveled huge raisin, so I couldn’t make out to see if she had a dimple, but what I did notice was her hair. She had plenty of it - a mop of curly, thick and black hair. I recall passing out in the delivery room with a smile on my face.

Fast forward 3 years later, her hair has thinned out since. It is no longer super thick and black, but light brown and fine. Mum told me this is normal. She had beautiful ringlets though, and that is why I loved her hair long.

Had? LovED?

Yes. Isobel Daniella had decided to take matters into her own hands. Her soft, beautiful ringlets on both sides of the head were trimmed off. No wait. Butchered off. I think she couldn’t reach the back of her hair, so what looked like this before:

now looks like this:

When I came home that day, she refused to come out to hug me. Feeling dejected; I peeked into her room to see what she was up to. That was when the maid came apologizing profusely.

Containing my anger, I asked her to explain the little mishap.

While the nanny was sweeping the floor, Isobel had apparently climbed on my study table (blood stirring), tiptoed to grab the scissors from the highest shelf (blood stirred) and chopped off the sides of her hair (burst anger).

Yes. I was angry with bibik for being so careless. What if Isobel had fallen down? What if she injured herself while doing the Britney? There was no point screaming – from the look on both their faces, I knew BOTH were sorry.

I knelt down to see the damage. It was just one of those memory moments of mine when I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. She reminded me of Rod Stewart or that dude from Quantum Leap who invented gadgets. No injuries – thank GOD! But yes, her beautiful, layered hair was now a figment of my imagination.

I messaged my mum. BBM-ed (blackberry message) her a picture of her only grand-daughter.

“Kenapa dia pigi putung itu?Kenapa kau kasih biar saja itu gunting berkeliaran? Doi…si odu”

(Why did she cut her hair like that? Why did you leave the scissors hanging around (in the house) like that? Poor Odu)

I presume it was Isobel’s first trip to the salon the week before that had propelled her to try it out for herself. Well, brownie points for good observation and wanting to learn, I guess?

Scissors and other sharp objects are now kept safe in a locked drawer. I had taken her back to the salon recently. Isobel and I cried when the hairstylist chopped off the rest of her long locks.

Children learn everything by mimicking what they see. That is why it is highly important to set a stabilized environment for the child and surrounding the child with positive vibes, strong values and good education. I’m hoping and praying that this will be a lesson learnt for all of us and her last attempt to self trim her crowning glory. Amen.

Daphne Iking truly believes in the “baby-mother law of attraction whilst she/he is in the womb” theory. Isobel has gorgeous luscious long eyelashes and a faint dimple on her right cheek too.* Wink *

My last FHM cover shoot

2011-04-01T01:34:00.001+08:00

"My green tip for the day is this...save water..take a shower with your partner"

A forum with RPK & Nurul Izzah in Australia recently

2011-04-01T01:32:00.002+08:00

Friends of Malaysia, Singapore and Australia Forum with Raja Petra Kamaruddin and YB Nurul Izzah from Lutfi Hakim on Vimeo.

I have never heard Nurul Izzah deliver a speech before, but I must say -- after watching this informal forum held recently in Melbourne, I am impressed and wish her all the best.

I feel for Veena

2011-03-26T20:35:00.002+08:00

As I was doing research for my next article, I came across this youtube video of Veena Malik and her interview with regards to her "shaming the Pakistani community" with her "actions".

I am relieved knowing that the silly case has finally been dropped and I can now breathe again. Yes, the two pups remained yelping even after the whole ordeal, and yes, some things may (as usual) have been taken out of context, but my heart remains steadfast and beats with a consistent gentle pump knowing things can only get better and brighter.

InsyaAllah.

Looks DO Matter

2011-03-04T13:47:00.005+08:00

A FEW months back, Jojo Struys wrote about how women have gone through great lengths and subjected themselves to various forms of “torture” — all in the name of beauty.

We live in this appearance-centric society, where looks and beauty are key. Getting something lifted, tightened, adjusted or removed has become as fundamental as wearing mascara and slapping on hair conditioner; an essential for us to look and feel better

My friend, an aesthetic physician told me quite simply that beauty was a huge factor in everyone’s professional and emotional success. She added, “That’s the way it is, accept it or go live in a cave”.

I have to agree with her. In my line of work, the beautiful ones get noticed and have a better chance of ‘getting in’. I had recommended a few friends to audition as hosts for the various TV programmes I produce or anchor, and the first thing they ask is, “pretty or not?”

So yes. In our society, looks matter more than anyone would like to believe and it’s senseless to go through life feeling bitter and angry about it when you can just embrace it. Looking good equals feeling good. Feeling good equals having more confidence. So why not do whatever you can, within your means to improve your appearance, right?

Joan Rivers, the public (lifted) face of cosmetic enhancement said, “In the old days before cosmetic surgery, the secret of staying young was simply to die early.”

Trust her to go all melodramatic about it. But thank goodness that now, cosmetic surgery is available to anyone with some money and a good doctor.

Most women are curious about it. No wait, most PEOPLE are. They have dreamt about it and fantasized about having Botox injections, a face lift, a boob job or a liposuction done. I bet that 98 out of 100 persons out there, have had some kind of beauty change passing through their mind. And if you are one of them, relax. You shouldn’t have mixed emotions about wanting to be sexy and gorgeous.

I interviewed the ‘King of Botox’ when he came down to Malaysia last year to promote his new range of skincare. I asked him casually after the show “ Hey Doc … do I need botox?” Expecting a polite, gentlemanly answer, I was a little slighted when he started pointing out the ‘flaws’ on my face.

That afternoon, I went to see my friend and asked her opinion about my chin and neck. A friend but a businesswoman nonetheless, she told me, “well, you can do some work over here and here and here!” Total cost? RM2,200.

I chickened out. The thought of needles invading my face and paying that much was extremely painful for the purse and me. According to her, what she suggested for me were toe-in-the-water procedures. Geez. And I had fleeting thoughts of getting a lift on my left mammary gland!

History takes us back to ancient Egyptians who were the first civilization to do just about anything which included skins grafts to repair facial damage and crude nose jobs circa 4000BC. Before the 19th century, surgeries were done without any anesthesia. Ouch! I can totally understand why plastic surgery didn’t become more common till after a few hundred years.

As often is the case, necessity spurred innovation and the biggest advances in this field happened (unfortunately) due to the consequences of war and modern improvement of weaponry. Surgeons had to invent ways to repair injuries to the face and bodies of soldiers harmed. Fast forward many years later, advances in every possible cosmetic technique, has moved along at a breakneck pace during the 1970s and has continued to evolve at increasing speed today.

Many celebrities and others in elite circles have had some form of cosmetic enhancement done although many won’t admit it.

Oddly, people will tell you the most intimate details of their sex lives and money, but keep mum about plastic surgery. The subject of cosmetic surgery was whispered about and considered taboo for the fear of being seen as too vain or narcissistic, or due to religious beliefs that go against certain medical procedures — so many prefer to keep mum over the work done.

But I think over time, cosmetic surgery will be fully accepted and even encouraged in some circles. Shows like Nip/Tuck and The Swan shows the acceptance of it in our society. Countries offer Medical Tourism — even our Pearl of the Orient offers “Heal & Holiday” getaways for those ‘seeking surgical treatment and peaceful recuperation’ in complete anonymity. Just the other day, my party planner suggested a botox fun night for a friend’s hen party.

I will never say never to cosmetic surgery. But till I get over my fear of needles and I have some extra cash to spare, I think there’s no harm doing my homework on it so when I’m ready (or when I absolutely need it), I’d be mentally and physically prepared. One tip my gorgeous doctor friend shared with me is this: “Never trust an acne-scarred dermatologist or an ugly plastic surgeon.” Logical advice. Don’t you agree?

TV Anchor Daphne Iking was given another piece of advice by the doctor: Don’t tell your spouse about your cosmetic enhancements. She feels that’s going to be almost impossible if she decides to perk up her assets. Daphne would also like to apologise for inadvertently leaving out a credit mention to Marie Claire in her previous column on Drink-Spiking — for the inspiration and permission to use an excerpt in their article. Follow Daphne’s tweets on @daphCLPT.

I've got my mummy blog!

2011-03-03T21:08:00.003+08:00

Just as mum had promised me, Isobel and I have survived the first month of the year adjusting to one another’s schedule – mine of a new direction in my career, and hers with her new school. In her former nursery, she had a school van to take her to school, so sending her diligently on my own whilst getting used to my new working hours was somewhat quite challenging.

Every parent understands the anxiety of the first day of school – so I prepped myself a few days prior to the new school term.

First, I set a new sleeping pattern for the both of us, making sure we had enough time to fix breakfast and preparation of snacks for her school brunch. Then I planned the fastest route from home to her academy; even planning my parking from drop off and pick up at the respective hours. Anal? No. I was on a mission to be the best ‘soccer-working mom’.

I smelt failure when we appeared fresh face on her first day of school - only to find out that the term starts a week LATER than the normal pre-schooler’s out there. I was not only highly disappointed for getting my dates wrong, but sad because Isobel was so excited to meet new friends and I felt a surge of pity when she looked at me with those eyes asking me “why is it closed mummy? Where are my friends?”

When I twittered about my silliness, a flood of encouraging words of advice poured in.
“@daphCLPT, don’t worry. Take this as your trial run for smoother days ahead”
“Takpe @daphCLPT, go and spend quality time with Bel before school REALLY starts”

And they were right. Isobel and I had a nice daughter-mummy bonding session over breakfast and a week more to get used to the new shift in our lives.

There have been a few hiccups along the way, especially on days where I need to leave Isobel for awhile with her teachers after school ends, due to my show ending sharp at noon – but I know that she is in good hands.

I have peered into the windows outside her class, observing silently while she interacts with the other cute kids and enjoys the edutainment provided. She seems genuinely happy and is always so excited to come back for more the very next day.

I’m glad I have made the decision to change her school. The fees may be slightly more than what I was prepared to fork out on and adjusting my timetable to fit hers is daunting especially on ‘assignment’ and anchor days – but when she comes home with a smile on her face and an amazing burst of enthusiasm when it’s time to go to school again the next day – I know it’s worth all the money in the world and all the hassle of our transportation dilemma.

Here’s to all the frazzled parents in the world: A pat on the back for being the best that we can be for our kid(s).

God bless!

Daphne Iking

Thank you for your wishes

2011-03-01T08:26:00.003+08:00

Dear all,

We are sorry for keeping quiet about our special day. I just felt, with so much happening around us,that it was best to leave my personal life out of the public eye - but I guess now that it is out, we would like to say THANK YOU for all the wonderful messages, emails and smses. We are blessed with your support and encouragement; advice and beautiful gifts. Thank you for your love and kind words, prayers and hugs. We are so blessed to have this wonderful support from everyone.

God bless,

Daphne & Joe

Not Gonna Cry - Mary J Blige

2011-02-07T09:58:00.004+08:00

And remember this song from the movie 'Waiting to Exhale'?

Listening back to this track, reminds me that we should all be compassionate to one another. I've been left high and dry before; and so have others. Sometimes, we forget that the man we are so in love with - had probably hurt the woman before you; so do think carefully if it is real love or just a fling.

This weekend was a great time catching up with my girlfriends. As they poured their hearts out to me,sharing their woes on love, I could not help but think back at my failed relationships in the past and to compare their stories to mine. Someone had asked me in an interview if I would ever wanna delete the word "single" in my life. I told them, "I was never single. I had Isobel with me even when he left".

So to all those who have been hurt, who think they are alone raising their kid(s) -- please know that you are not. I am sorry he left or has hurt you. I truly am. And I shall pray for all of us to heal and to be stronger and to find someone who will treat us better, with more respect.

Listen to this song by Mary J Blige and find comfort in her words.

One

2011-02-07T09:51:00.002+08:00

Mary J Blige & U2's version of ONE. Beautiful chemistry. Can't wait to see her upclose and personal later for the exclusive interview. I have been moved by so many of her songs. She keeps her lyrics raw and real. She's one celebrity I can relate to.

Gong Xi Fa Chai everyone

2011-02-03T10:45:00.004+08:00

I apologize for posting such a sad event on the first day of Chinese New Year...but as 3 are killed and thousands injured in the protests taking place in Egypt, it hard not to feel the global anger and sadness on news about the anti-Mubarak protests going on for a week since the curfew was introduced by the man who has said he will not seek reelection.

The sun is out and many of our Chinese friends are celebrating the first year of the New Year in smiles and happiness. As all this gaiety takes place in our country, Airasia and Malaysia Airlines have deployed planes to fly our Malaysian students in Egypt via Jeddah to KL. Global leaders around the world are lending their voices to call for an immediate solution to the ghastly protests where thousands of demonstrators refuse to budge the Tahrir Square despite being horse/camel charged, beaten up by the police and threatened with hovering military planes above.

This is the sad reality of life.

While in some places all seems cheery and sunny; other places around the world are affected by war or natural disasters. Naturally, we all want to live in a peaceful world where there is no hatred, war, famine and disasters. But this is how God intended it to be. Nothing is perfect but we try to lessen the imbalance by being kinder and more understanding amongst one another, and to treat our Mother Nature with more care and love.

This may have been a morbid entry for a new year (for some) -- but let this be a kind reminder to count our blessings. It is also a time for us to reflect and to remember that if at times, things don't fall into place as how we expect it to be; then it's God's will; and HE has a reason for everything. No matter how painful or horrible it seems.

I was told not to express myself "too freely" on my cyber journal/social networks etc the other day. Naturally I felt a bit of discomfort with this because this is my personal platform of expression and to add insult, I have never said anything ill-mannered to the person(s) allegedly 'written' in my blog etc. But as a sign of respect to those who are older than me, I shall respect their instructions -- no matter how odd it was told to me.

Oh well.

On a sunnier note, things are slowly but surely taking place. Tightening the belt for better things to come. God willing, all will be better someday.

Happy Year of the Rabbit and have a fantastic weekend everyone. Yes, that includes you too dear. ;P

God is Great

2011-02-02T08:23:00.002+08:00

Saw this link on my friend's facebook and I had to post this up on my blog to remind us how Great our God is. I love the last bit especially. When I see videos like this, I am reminded of HIS blessings and HIS grace and love for all of us. Peace be unto Him.

Let this inspire you and remind you that you are loved. Things will work out someday --- for everyone. Just have to have a bit of patience.

Boost your day with 'Bella'

2011-02-02T08:01:00.000+08:00

SHUHAIDAH SAHARANI

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011 15:45:00

Elaine Daly

WHEN we first heard of Bella, our initial thoughts were of Search's famous song Isabellaand of course, Bella of the Twilight fame.

But if you asked Daphne Iking, Elaine Daly and Deborah Henry, Bella means a lot more that fictional characters. It's a new talk show hosted by the three.

"Bella translates into 'beautiful' in Italian, is a female name, and has a nice ring to it," said the Irish-Indian Henry, who recently was crowned Miss Universe Malaysia 2011, after winning the Miss World Malaysia in 2007.

"And the show Bella covers most topics. We want to be relevant and connect with women in Malaysia."

If you are still puzzled, Bella is actually ntv7s' brand new talk show, hosted by the three beautiful women mentioned. This half-an-hour magazine style talk show airs every Monday to Friday at 11.30am with a special 60-minute live show every Sunday at 1.30pm.

"Bella reflects all that is feminine," said Iking. "Being a talk show that is catered especially for the ladies, Bella is not all about physical beauty but also personality. Bellaalso reflects all things in life that should be precious, extraordinary and must be handled with care and Bella is just plain beautiful. It's as simple as that."

With so many talk shows on women issues already on TV, what makes Bella special and a must-watch?

"To me, Bella's special as there are three hosts from different backgrounds, giving the show three different perspectives on the numerous segments," added Iking. "It gives viewers a refreshing outlook on the issues discussed and keeps the momentum going. There's always a new topic to be discussed plus actually there are not many local English language talk shows on women's issues," explained the Belukar actress.

Brand manager of ntv7, Emilya Ab Rahim added, "Bella aims to be the pioneer in the daytime slot, highlighting the true strength of a woman by blending genuine warmth and humour. The show will feature a diverse mix of celebrity interviews, audience participation and segments highlighting extraordinary stories and talents of everyday women."

Deborah Henry

Each day of the week brings different segments and issues to tackle. On Mondays, the 'Who's Who' segment will highlight individuals with high profile portfolio; Tuesday's show will be a tantalising array of fashion and beauty tips, from professional skincare experts to cues from renowned designers; 'The Big Reveal' on Wednesdays will showcase celebrities' personal lives and their aspirations; Thursday's show comprises segments dedicated on lifestyle which include tips on gizmo, torque, as well as creative takes on mundane issues such as money; and Fridays will be a bit more masculine for that is when the male opinion comes into perspective with 'Mars vs. Venus' segment.

The three women, well-known names in the local entertainment industry for their role in beauty pageants, modelling, hosting, movies and TV shows, went on an audition process to be on Bella.

While Henry is quite fresh in TV hosting, Iking and Daly had been gracing ntv7 for a number of shows already, especially known for their stint on The Breakfast Show (TBS).

"I absolutely loved TBS," said Daly. "I love hosting live shows because it's fun and challenging, so hosting Bella is a total joy for me."

Iking added, "I have very good memories with the morning show and will always cherish those whom I worked so well with during my four-year stint. But things have been moving progressively in both my career and personal development and I was craving for something new. Bella was that chance to go back to production and face new challenges of a new team, new beginnings, new expectations."

With the show's special daily segments, we asked each host their favourite Bellasegment.

"I'm always on the go and explore so many places, products and people. So the 'Thursday Lifestyle' slot is so apt for me," answered Iking, laughing. "I've already been on a few assignments prior to Bella going live and going back doing journalism on travel, products and services is definitely something I truly enjoy, so it's almost like I'm on holiday every time I'm 'assigned' to work. Bliss."

Daly said, "I love my 'Who's Who' segment. It's so interesting getting to interview people with great portfolios. Very inspiring."

Unlike the two, Henry however has no favourite as she loves all the segments in Bella.

"I like the interviews, that's when we really get into the heart of a subject and get to know the interviewee better," said Henry, who is currently the face of Habib Jewels.

"It's my first time hosting a live show so that certainly has added some pressure to the job but at the same time it's a challenge and I love challenges. I enjoy Bella because we talk about everything, it's fun and I get to be more involved."

Daphne Iking

DEBORAH HENRY

What are you busy with now, besides Bella?

I emcee events and still do a few shows now and then. I also run my own charity with a friend. We started Save Centre which we recently renamed Fugee School - we provide education for refugee children living in Malaysia. We believe education is such an important tool. It empowers children and allows them to take control over their lives.

Do you also aspire to be an actress or a singer?

If there is one thing I have learnt, it is to never say never! While singing and acting are not my main focus right now, you never know what the future holds.

DAPHNE IKING

Ever wanted to 'delete' the word 'single' in your life?

I was never single. She (daughter Isobel) was always with me even when 'he' left.

How do you cope with your job and being a single mother?

With a lot of patience and proper time management. I am blessed with a good nanny and a good school for Isobel so at least her welfare is less worrisome when I'm away from her. I am blessed with an independent young lady who is quite obedient so that helps. Isobel is a very expressive young lady who enjoys songs and dance. I don't know what her future holds but I know I'll be very supportive of her career decision in future.

What about your acting career? Anything new coming up?

I've got too much on my plate to get involved with a big project like a movie/film for now. Acting is very time consuming and unfortunately does not pay as much as we wish to demand for the commitment of hours given. With so many things happening right now career-wise, I think I need to put a halt on acting.

What's your dream role?

A transsexual.

ELAINE DALY

Any new projects we can look out for this year?

Yes. Many new projects in the pipeline, but I won't say anything until I sign on the dotted line.

What else is keeping you busy?

I just started my own bag line called Daly Bags, launched on Jan 15. It will be sold online in months to come, but people can join the mailing list at www.thedalystore. com and when we're running full throttle, they'll be notified.

I wanna grow old with you...

2011-01-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

I'm in my cheesy, mushy mood.

It would be so nice growing old with you...

Date rapes can occur even with someone you know and trust

2011-01-28T08:26:00.005+08:00

My First Article for The Star Metro:
(Picture courtesy of the internet image stock)

Friday January 28, 2011

Date rapes can occur even with someone you know and trust
A DIFFERENT SPIN by DAPHNE IKING

RANDOM guy sits alone at a corner of a crowded, noisy club observing a young lady. He waits for lady to stop paying attention to her drink and makes his move. He laces her glass with a sedative – usually a sleeping pill – then makes his way to her when she becomes weak and disoriented. That would be the typical drink-spiking scenario we understand from movies.

Scary? Even scarier is that movie-like scene is no longer your typical scenario, nor is the young lady your typical drink-spiking victim.

According to a research done by Roofie Foundation that deals with drink-spiking and drug rape, women aged between 30 and 50 are most at risk.

Loss of trust: In additional to physical and mental pain, date rape victims are engulfed in a sense of betrayal.

A significant proportion of victims had their drinks spiked at work-related events, private homes and even on business premises, going against the notion that drink-spiking only occurs in rowdy nightclubs or pubs.

Having spent some weekends playing pool in the neighbourhood pub and attending events both private and work-oriented , I had always assumed my drinks were safe and the company I was with were a trusted lot. I became less trusting after hearing these horror stories.

*Senah was at a business function when a colleague of hers bought her a bottle of beer. More than just a social drinker, she knew she was good at holding her drinks, but as soon as she consumed that beer, she could barely walk.

“I knew what was going on. I just couldn’t physically regain myself. I suspected something amiss because the same guy was so persistent on sending me home. Luckily my cousins were with me and they insisted they’d send me back. A few of my friends had the same experience. It’s sick that most of the cases are perpetrated by people whom you know.”

*Rebecca was not so fortunate to have her friends send her home. All she recalls was lying naked in someone else’s house the next day with a painful throb between her eyes and legs. Mortified, she used his bathroom to ‘freshen up’, still confused as to what had happened the night before.

“I felt something was not right. I’ve been drunk many times, and my after-effects of drinking are predictable — I won’t be walking straight, but I’m aware of my surroundings. Then I’d vomit it all out, be hungry — gorge at the nearest mamak store with friends and then wake up with a massive hangover the next day. The important thing is this: I’d usually remember what happened. But this time around, I couldn’t recall a thing!”

A thorough physical inspection revealed she was raped.

Both Senah and Rebecca did not report the incidents.

Horrified, I asked them why.

“At that time, I was young. I didn’t know you could report such a ‘trivial’ matter’,” said Senah.

For Rebecca, she had just got married and her husband was away.

“By the time I had the courage to tell someone, it was too late to investigate as the evidence leaves the body after 72 hours.”

I felt helpless for Rebecca. Especially when she found out that she was pregnant.

And if you think drink-spiking victims are just women, think again.

Alex reported the incident but despite the evidence, the school he was working for pressed forward his dismissal for being under the influence of drugs. His career was ruined and his reputation tarnished.

In most drink-spiking incidents, the perpetrator intends to physically or sexually assault their victims.

The Chinese New Year celebrations may be your chance to let loose, but do beware of the risks. You never know when that unwelcome inebriation of drinks comes your way.

* Names have been changed for protection.

Daphne Iking is a TV anchor and emcee. This is her first article for the Different Spin and was slightly late in the target deadline, not because her Milo was spiked, but because she is still adjusting to her three-year-old’s new schedule now that the little tyke has started school.

(Just to let you know that this article was inspired by an article I read in Marie Claire. How strange that the song by Dead or Alive's YOU SPIN ME ROUND (round baby round roung..like a record spinning right round round round) was playing in the background.)

Beggin

2011-01-28T02:13:00.002+08:00

This catchy song makes me so happy listening to it!

Random post but I've always wondered who sang this. Now thanks to a random stranger on my FB who told me to sing this song, I now know! Thanks Azrai.

Happy Birthday Mum!

2011-01-25T14:00:00.000+08:00

Tambunan, Sabah - 'our trip back to my kampung!' from Joe Lebosi on Vimeo.

Tuk Tuk experience in India

2011-01-18T08:15:00.000+08:00

INDIA - The Tuk Tuk Experience from Joe Lebosi on Vimeo.

Pe-chak-cha?

2011-01-18T00:05:00.002+08:00

A quick breather from work to blog (otherwise my page will be filled with formspring answers only) =)

I just got back from a very tiring assignment in Manila followed by a photoshoot for a new magazine in Langkawi courtesy of the lovely folks from Westin Langkawi Resort & Spa. Feeling nervous because as of most of my talks I'm asked to present, I ALWAYS leave preparations to last minute - only because I'll spend the first few days wondering why I agreed to it in the first place, then feeling pressured to find a good topic/content and finally, getting stressed because deadline is drawing near and NOTHING has been done.

So yes. I am to be a speaker for the 11th edition of KL's Pecha Kucha tomorrow night and I am not prepared. I managed to pass my slides this morning only to find out upon arriving KL that my initial topic is nowhere near the theme of the night. Crap. Perfect.

But it is midnight and I have to wake up early to send Bel to school and run some errands before an afternoon event, followed by a production meeting for BELLA and rushing back to town for the Pecha Kucha - so have decided to just wing it. Apologies in advance if I disappoint. =( But there will be very cool speakers, so for those who are coming tomorrow, mine will bore you for awhile, but stay awhile because the rest will definitely bring justice to the game.

What is Pecha Kucha?

It basically means "to chit chat" -- it's a presentation format introduced in Tokyo by these two architectures (if i'm not mistaken) and the rule of the game is simple: 20 images per presenter. 20 second per image. Total presentation = 6mins 40secs. Sounds easy?
It's not. Try it for yourself.

I still have no idea why I agreed to do this.

Ok. Enough whining. Back to work. Sob.

Catch Bella on ntv7

2011-01-07T07:34:00.000+08:00

Jawablah!: Ditukar, bukan diberhentikan
Oleh Farihad Shalla Mahmud
farihad@bharian.com.my
2011/01/05

DAPHNE Iking dan anaknya Isobel.

Daphne diberi tugas baru kendali Bella

31 Disember 2010 menjadi tarikh akhir pengacara dan pelakon, Daphne Iking menjadi perantara program bual bicara, The Breakfast Show yang bersiaran di ntv7.

Walaupun pengunduran Daphne daripada program itu disebabkan dia ingin menumpukan perhatian terhadap tugasan barunya untuk sebuah program bual bicara lain, namun juga mengatakan dia sebenarnya disingkirkan disebabkan masalah peribadi yang dihadapinya ketika ini.

Dengan kes yang masih dibicarakan di mahkamah ditambah pelbagai cerita kurang enak sepanjang perbicaraan berlangsung menyebabkan pemenang Pelakon Harapan Wanita sewaktu Festival Filem Malaysia ke-23 lalu ini diberhentikan dari mengacarakan program itu.

Apakah benar cerita itu? Atau ia kisah dongeng yang disebarkan oleh pihak yang tidak senang dengan kejayaannya?

Ketika diajukan pertanyaan ini, Daphne menyedari perkara itu menjadi bualan ramai. Tidak mahu berteka-teki, ibu kepada seorang cahaya mata perempuan ini menjelaskan pengundurannya dari The Breakfast Show kerana dia diberikan tanggungjawab baru oleh ntv7 iaitu mengendalikan program bual bicara khusus untuk wanita berjudul Bella.

Hip: Sejauh mana kebenarannya yang mengatakan Daphne disingkirkan dari program The Breakfast Show, kononnya disebabkan peribadi yang dihadapi ketika ini?
Daphne: Memang saya tahu ramai yang beranggapan sebegitu apabila mendapat tahu yang tidak lagi mengacarakan program The Breakfast Show. Memang benar saya tidak lagi mengacarakan program itu tetapi ia bukan kerana disingkirkan. Sebaliknya ditawarkan mengacarakan program baru yang juga disiarkan di ntv7 bertajuk Bella. Program bercorak bual bicara dan kewanitaan ini menggandingkan saya dengan tiga pengacara lain iaitu Elaine Daly, Deborah Henry dan Shasha. Sebelum ini, sewaktu isu saya disingkirkan heboh diperkatakan, saya tidak berani berkata apa-apa atau membuat sebarang penjelasan kerana belum menerima sebarang kontrak yang menjanjikan saya antara bakal pengacara yang terbabit dalam program ini walaupun perkara membabitkan promosi awal program ini sudah pun saya penuhi. Selepas menandatangani kontrak dan program sulungnya sudah disiarkan hari ini, barulah berani memaklumkan bahawa saya kini menjawat tugas baru iaitu mengacarakan program Bella.

Hip: Apakah Daphne suka dengan tugasan baru ini?

Daphne: Saya memang suka dengan tugasan ini kerana bukan saja menjadi pengacara tetapi juga terbabit untuk kerja-kerja di belakang tabir seperti membuat penyelidikan, temubual dan menulis skrip. Saya juga turung padang mencari bahan. Disebabkan saya memulakan kerjaya sebagai wartawan penyiaran, jadi minat itu memang sudah ada. Sebelum ini, hanya beraksi di depan kamera, jadi keadaannya sudah tertentu berbeza. Tak dinafikan rindu juga dengan rutin kerja lama seperti kena bangun awal dan pergi ke studio. Apapun, rasa seronok dengan kerja ini kerana ia memberi pengalaman baru. Jangan lupa saksikan saya esok (Khamis), jam 11.30 pagi. Program ini bersiaran dari Isnin hingga Jumaat. Manakala Ahad disiarkan jam 1.30 petang. Konsep Bella lebih hampir sama dengan program wanita lain kerana ia lebih membicarakan isu yang ada kaitan dengan wanita.

Hip: Setakat ini adakah masalah peribadi memberi tempias kepada kerjaya seni Daphne?

Daphne: Disebabkan kes ini masih dibicarakan di mahkamah dan mendapat liputan meluas, saya tahu sedikit sebanyak ia memberi kesan terhadap kerjaya saya. Tapi saya amat bersyukur kerana keluarga, rakan-rakan dan peminat sentiasa berada di belakang saya. Mereka banyak menyokong dan ini dapat dilihat menerusi apa yang mereka nyatakan di laman sosial saya seperti Facebook dan Twitter. Mereka tidak pernah menambah tekanan. Walaupun ada yang tidak puas hati dan menghentam saya, ibu bapa saya hanya meminta supaya tidak melayan cakap-cakap belakang. Mereka hanya mahu saya tumpukan perhatian kepada kerjaya dan juga anak saya Isobel. Saya sendiri tak kisah asalkan perkara itu tidak membabitkan anak saya, itu sudah memadai.

Hip: Adakah sukar untuk daphne menjalani hidup sebagai seorang janda. Dengan status sebagai selebriti, apakah ada lelaki yang cuba menagih cinta dari Daphne?

Daphne: Setakat ini saya bahagia dengan apa yang saya lalui dan biar sesukar manapun, demi anak saya saya tetap tempuh walaupun banyak halangan menanti depan mata. Soal menjadi perhatian lelaki, terus terang memang tidak suka membicarakan hal peribadi saya untuk menjadi tatapan khalayak. Cukuplah dengan apa yang berlaku sebelum ini. Apa yang boleh dikongsi adalah, saya memang sedang berkawan rapat dengan seseorang dan saya amat bahagia dengannya. Apa yang penting, dia bukanlah suami sesiapa.

Hip: Sejak memenangi Pelakon Harapan Wanita sewaktu FFM ke-23 tempoh hari, apakah ada tawaran lain yang diterima?

Daphne: Memang ada tawaran yang diterima tetapi demi kerana Bella, saya terpaksa menolak tawaran itu. Bukannya kerana berlagak atau terlalu memilih watak tetapi memang tidak mahu menerima banyak tawaran dalam satu-satu masa.
Berlakon bukanlah perkara mudah. Ia membabitkan emosi. Kalau sudah penat, bagaimana kita mampu memberi lakonan dan emosi yang dikehendaki. Kebetulan sewaktu berlakon filem Belukar dan My Spy, saya tidak terbabit dalam projek lain. Jadi saya dapat memberi tumpuan yang sewajarnya. Lagipun, anak saya semakin membesar dan saya harus memberi tumpuan yang lebih padanya.

Yakin dengan pengalamannya

PENERBIT Kanan program The Breakfast Show dan Bella, Intan Noorbaizura Aliuddin berkata, dengan kemampuan dan pengalaman yang dimilikinya, ntv7 yakin Daphne mampu menjalankan tanggungjawab baru yang diberikannya dengan baik.

“Tidak sama sekali dsingkirkan. Daphne dipilih untuk mengacarakan program baru iaitu Bella dan disebabkan itulah tugasnya sebagai pengacara The Breakfast Show ditamatkan.

“Ia memang tidak ada kena mengena dengan soal disiplin ataupun masalah peribadi kerana kami membuat keputusan itu dua bulan lalu dan waktu itu kesnya masih belum dibicarakan. Daphne dipilih kerana kami yakin dia mampu mengendalikan program itu dengan baik berdasarkan pengalaman dan kesungguhannya,” katanya.

Menurut Intan lagi, sebagai program berkonsepkan kewanitaan, adalah penting pengacara itu sendiri turun padang dan membuat laporan terperinci mengenai sesuatu isu yang hendak dibincangkan.

“Sebagai contoh, ketika membuat laporan isu pemandu wanita, Daphne melakonkan sendiri beberapa babak semata-mata untuk mengetahui apakah punca pemandu wanita sering didakwa sebagai pemandu yang cuai dan sering menimbulkan masalah di jalan raya.

“Dan saya rasa Daphne berjaya melakukan tugasan itu dengan baik sekali,” katanya.

formspring.me

2011-01-07T07:18:00.001+08:00

Welcome to my rollercoaster world... Put yourself in my louboutins =) http://formspring.me/daphneiking

Taj Mahal clip Part 2

2011-01-03T08:07:00.003+08:00

INDIA - Taj Mahal part 2 from Joe Lebosi on Vimeo.

First day of school for Bel. Waiting for her egg to boil. Preparing breakfast for everyone, then will send her to school, a quick workout then meetings galore. Have a blessed week friends (and foes)=) !

Golden triangle shots

2011-01-02T22:51:00.002+08:00

Fame's Bollywood style jump

Nee Ner

After Dr Judy and Dr Jag's wedding. Thank goodness for kakak's extra punjabi suit. Will edit another video showing specifically how I survived for 3 days without my luggage. Thank you MAS.

A moment of silence

Ok fine. I wanted shelter from the heat.

See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil

Taj Mahal clip Part 1

2011-01-02T15:03:00.000+08:00

India - a Sunset in Agra from Joe Lebosi on Vimeo.

Sunset in Agra.

Imperfections

2011-01-02T09:47:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow marks my girl's new term in her new school which means I have to be more disciplined in getting up earlier to make sure her snacks are ready before sending her to school (she used to have a school bus for her previous one). Having had a nice break since Christmas, I've had some quality time with Isobel after being away for so long.

My mum is right.

I was a tad bit worried (and a bit jealous too?) with her attachment with bibik the maid/nanny. Being a single working mum, the guilt of not spending enough time with her always arises, especially days when she'd rather sleep with the maid than her own mother. I always try and shake the feeling off, but naturally it does hurt a bit. Moreso since I've been trying to protect her from all the negativities of late.

But after spending some time with her (exactly what mum said), I know deep inside that she knows that I am her mother - not bibik or aunty kakak or Odu. ME. And THAT is special.

Anyway, the remote for the cable TV officially belongs to the princess. I have resorted to watching DVDs at the comfort of my room since Playhouse Disney is on most of the time. And there is only so much I can take of this song:

Yes. That would be the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Hotdog song. The first time I heard (and yes, secretly danced to it too), I just sang "hotdog hotdog hot diggy di dog" ALL they way. Then, when I heard the song properly , I found out there was more to the song than just 'hotdog'. So I plonked myself in front of the TV (much to the maid's amusement) and started humming along to memorize the lyrics of this program my daughter was so obsessed with. So did I get at least half the song right?

N-O.

No matter how long the song or rather the melody of the tune keeps playing in my head over & over the past few days, I know the tune - but I don't know the lyrics by-heart...YET. I have googled the youtube copy of the song so I can replay it over and over to get the lyrics right,but if it weren't for youtube, I would have to depend on getting the full lyrics from tv and continue just singing "hotdog hotdog...hot diggy di dog" throughout the melody.

I have applied this little exercise to things I read or hear from someone else. Being a journalist, I know how articles are written and edited. My conclusion here is, if you were not at the situation, event or place - don't be too quick to comment, judge or pass around the news; especially if it's not something pleasant. Hard, since we are human and curiosity always gets the best of us; but like the saying goes, think before you act/speak - it rings true.

I say this because I am in the eye of the storm right now - and although we have had 3 years to comprehend and acknowledge the situation, it is still embarrassing and painful, to say the least.

I hope to apply this to a present situation my little family is facing too. I am sure she has her reason for doing and saying what she says. I will continue to pray for an answer and to be strong with her confusing actions.

We all have our imperfections and we all are entitled to be wrong - but we must learn from these mistakes and be wiser and kinder in our future endeavors. I leave you with a special fave singer of mine. Such a unique voice and apt lyrics for this post.

It will get better in time

2010-12-30T10:57:00.002+08:00

This is another favourite songstress of mine - Leona Lewis. I love her dignified presence. And her songs are beautifully written.

I handed in my formal letter today. Now I can move on. It will get better in time.

Taj Mahal

2010-12-29T08:41:00.005+08:00

This is a hilarious yet beautiful shot taken at the Taj Mahal recently. Despite the 'organised chaos' of India, I knew coming to the famous Taj Mahal would make the trip less painful. And it worked.

My sister and the gang had already visited the Taj the day before. Because Joe and I arrived hours later (first batch went on train, we had to fly in from Delhi), we woke up at 6am the next day to catch the first rays of this beautiful monument and before the midday crowd starts trickling in. (We managed to see a different angle of the Taj during the sunset the day before with the rest)

* Peak season during winter; and I wanted to get a clear shot of Princess Di's 'seat' hence the 6am calltime *

We all know the romanticized story of the Taj Mahal- the Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan built it in memory of his favourite wife, Mumtaz Mahal who died when giving birth to their 14th child. He was so heartbroken with her demise that he became obsessed in making sure it was built with precision and beauty.

Deemed as a building symbolizing eternal love; there were other stories that interlaced the romanticism of the story. How his son imprisoned him not too far away from the construction because he feared the father was losing his mind with plans of building a similiar mausoleum for himself (an obscene amount of money and labour was utilized for years building the Taj). And then there were rumors on how the Emperor chopped of the artisans and craftsmen hands so they were not able to do another piece as beautiful as the Taj Mahal.

When I walked into the grounds of the Taj Mahal in my Punjabi suit, I was in awe. Overwhelmed. We took a good 3 hours exploring the gardens, the mausoleum, the mosque. Taking pictures, jotting notes...breathing in the beauty and history of the place. Soaking up the experience and making sure every sense of my body appreciated being where I was today with the life that has been laid before me.

I recall the chirping of the birds when I went to explore the mosque situated at the western side of the mausoleum. There is an exact replica of the red sandstone wall mosque at the eastern side, built for the primary purpose of 'architectural balance' and used as a guesthouse. The only distinctions between the two buildings include the lack of the mihrab, or the niche in a mosque's wall facing Mecca in the 'guesthouse' and the floors of the guesthouse have a geometric design, while the mosque floor is laid with outlines of 569 prayer rugs in black marble.

Taking off my shoes, I tiptoed into the quiet exterior of the mosque. The black marble was cold but the surroundings that eloped me was warm. Cosy. Welcoming. I said a little prayer of gratitude before gliding on in absorbing the intricacies of the walls and artistry. I used my shawl to cover my head and kneeled down. Just felt right. So I did it.

Came out feeling renewed.

Back to the first picture.

When Joe asked me to pose for the camera, I had no idea what he wanted till we saw the image from our MarkII. Pretty brilliant I must say.

And that's what pictures do. The Taj Mahal had an enormous impact on me as I'm sure it did or does for many who trudge the grounds of this enthralling wonder. But in this picture, Joe had playfully composed the monument and I in a trickery visual of equality. Almost with flirting mockery.

I've decided to use this picture as a metaphor to the decision I have made. The choice, which seemed magnified in meaning, logic and reason, is now narrowed down to what really matters. It is not about what others say. Or how the community should or would react. It is not about conforming to what naturally would be the ideal choice for the family; nor would it question the frame of time, place and action.

It is a decision made based on me. Noone else but me. Not even Isobel. Just Daphne Iking.

Talking it out loud and sharing this decision with my closest and dearest has made me realize that even though it's a decision based on my silent talk with someone greater than I can comprehend, I know that with his grace and guidance; things will fall through nicely. I have faith in HIM.

Praise God.

Hilarious for those gadget freaks

2010-12-28T09:52:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas gadget freaks. Here's something for you to laugh along with.

I was a wife, but always a Mother...

2010-12-28T09:14:00.003+08:00

With my beautiful group of mummy friends with our little princesses. Life is good. And I am humbled.

Our Bambina shoes - matching set for mama and Bel.

3 days till we usher 2011. For many, the new year is welcomed with such festivities. Some take this time to renew vows and goals, or to extend resolutions that were not resolved in the year that has been. Others take it as a fresh start, a clean slate - a motivation to all things better, brighter, wiser.

2011 is going to be just that for Isobel and I. It's been 2+ years since the whole fiasco and naturally it's been a very tricky journey - but again, as mentioned over and over; I firmly believe there is goodness in this. A blessing in disguise. God has only given us resilience and I have faith that slowly, I will run again. Free from the fear and the intimidation. I have inner peace in things that is so hard to explain - and I can't wait to start a new life, my own unit - as MelB puts it "a blended family".

Here's a poem I would like to share with you written by a fave poet of mine. God bless you all.

I know why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou

The free bird leaps

on the back of the win

and floats downstream

till the current ends

and dips his wings

in the orange sun rays

and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks

down his narrow cage

can seldom see through

his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and

his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings

with fearful trill

of the things unknown

but longed for still

and is tune is heard

on the distant hill for the caged bird

sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze

an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn

and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings

with a fearful trill

of things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom.

Latest update on Chia's case

2010-12-26T10:29:00.000+08:00

Beaten businessman identifies cops
By M. KUMAR and ZUHRIN AZAM AHMAD
(From Staronline)

“I was so afraid that I vomited this morning before coming here,” said businessman Chia Buang Hing.

PETALING JAYA: The businessman, who claimed he was assaulted by policemen while in custody, has identified four of his attackers through line up.

Businessman Chia Buang Hing, 34, accompanied by his lawyer, arrived at Petaling Jaya police headquarters around 11am on Saturday to identify the alleged aggressors.

Chia picked out the four policemen from a line up of over 30.

He also identified one more policeman who, he claimed, was present during the beatings but only watched.

Chia said despite being afraid, he knew he had to face up to the daunting task of confronting his enemies.

“I was so afraid that I vomited this morning before coming here,” he said.

Chia also had his statement taken by officers from Selangor police headquarters.

State CID chief SAC Mohd Adnan Abdullah said a task force has been set up to investigate the case thoroughly.

“Nobody is above the law. If there is evidence, the persons responsible will be charged in court,” he said.

Chia claimed he was allegedly beaten up by policemen who also took RM13,000 of his money after they stopped him at a roadblock at 11pm on Dec 18.

He was travelling from his home in Tropicana to Kota Damansara.

He alleged that the policemen also ordered him to make a false report that he had been injured in a car accident and that, if he refused, they would plant a blood-stained parang or drugs in his car.

Meanwhile, Selangor police chief Deputy Comm Datuk Tun Hisan Hamzah said Saturdy in a statement that Chia was arrested over suspicion of having a parang, heroin and driving a car without displaying its road tax.

He was also suspected of using a yellow royal family VIP membership card, he said.

On the day he was nabbed, Chia was sent to the Sungai Buloh Hospital for medical attention and he was treated as an outpatient, the state police chief said.

The businessman was remanded Dec 19 – 22 over two offences – possession of drugs and parang and he was allowed to see his lawyer and his family while in custody.

“I’d like to stress that the police will ensure that a fair and thorough investigation will be conducted.

“If evidence emerges that there has been an abuse of power, appropriate action will be taken,” he said.

Merry Christmas?

2010-12-26T09:40:00.002+08:00

My heart broke watching this. It is hard not to feel for Chia having seen for myself a similiar mismanagement of a case months back. Having been on the other side of the boat, I have learnt not to read too much into what I read, see and hear. There is bound to be another story somewhere -- like the saying goes; there's always two sides of the story.
But naturally, because I had witness too many a times when authorities are less than subtle in getting pocket money during these roadblocks ( I never give. Rather pay my wrong than to succumb to bribery) ; my sympathy leans more to Chia's predicament.

For Christmas, I am going to pray hard for justice to be served to the wrongdoers in this case. It was a brave, brave move for Chia to lodge this abuse. I know God will protect those who are innocent.

Here's the link:

God bless you

Looking for the daisies

2010-12-24T10:36:00.002+08:00

After traveling for weeks, I find it a refreshing change to be able to sit down at my study and to immerse myself in cyberspace; even though it is still work-oriented.

Today is Christmas eve. And last night, after a wonderful jamming session with the kids and Cyn, I finally feel the Christmas spirit setting in. A whole lot of hoorah has taken place disturbingly in our lives - but for some strange reason, despite it all; I feel blessed that it is taking place. Forgive me if it sounds almost arrogant. But I truly believe in the cliche - God has a reason for everything - and I see it better now, if not clearer.

This morning, we woke up early to put Christmas decorations on the plants - our 2 year old pine tree is growing out of shape and refuses to resemble a traditional Christmas tree. And being one who prefers authentic stuff than fakes, we decided to improvise and to be fair to the other houseplants at home, thus decorations on all our green friends.

Isobel is quite the artist. (will post pictures later - battery low on DSLR). She has cleverly put the pine cones in the middle of this plant that is all leafy (no twigs for us to hang the coloured balls). Did I tell you that she speaks in sentences now? All grown up my little girl and as I stare at her each morning before I head off to work, I can't stop smiling at just how much joy she has brought to our lives. Special girl she is. And oh! She finally likes wearing dresses. Yay!

The trip to India was an eye-opening experience. I no longer complain about the dirty toilets in KL. At least we have proper toilets. Politicians complaining about billboards and logos in the parliament? Yes, they are not perfect, but at least things run far better here than in other counterparts of the world. Praise God for beautiful weather. Praise God for a roof above my head and money to buy groceries. I have a car that runs smoothly and some Malaysians maybe hooligans on the road, but at least you don't get honking every second of the day!

phew!

This Christmas is getting more meaningful than the last. Only because what used to affect me so badly, no longer matters.

Someone told me; there is noone you should fear but God. That rings true. Like I said in my previous blogpost -- I'm done with bullies and threats; unkind comments and gossipmongers. Repent. Forgive. Move On.

It's so much easier to smile and be kind to others when you live by that simple rule.

Merry Christmas everyone and have a blessed new year ahead!

My Love is Vengence, that's never free

2010-12-23T14:37:00.001+08:00

Behind Blue Eyes lyrics
Songwriters: Townshend, Peter;

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated, to be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger, none of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

And if I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And if I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Yes. I ate horse placenta. Sort of.

2010-12-10T05:27:00.001+08:00

With a good friend of mine Dynas on si kecilku Chak!

2010-12-10T05:16:00.003+08:00

I am a perfectionist

2010-12-10T05:09:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas - English-manglish

2010-12-10T05:07:00.000+08:00

E L E A N O R

901

You will find your real friends in times of trouble

Silly Jokes and Emo With Daphne Iking

Isobel's 4th birthday bash with loved ones

Hulurkan bantuan

My 1st and Last

It ain't funny being funny

Hello Iman Daniella Iking Azmi

Maid set in her ways

Different Spin - The Price of Good Education

Some shots taken with my LC-A+ Russia Day LOMO with Instant Back

Smiles aren't always smiles

Micro vs macro?

BREAST IS BEST

Selamat Hari Malaysia

Coming soon...

Father & Son - Cat Stevens (Yusof Islam)

Tear jerker ad. Kudos Digi

An addiction hard to explain

An addiction hard to explain

A Different Spin

The Star Metro - 19th August 2011

By DAPHNE IKING

Celebrating 45th in grandeur

Relationship Status

if you can't afford one, hire one!

Baby to Five

Common mistakes in Ramadan

Ramadan 2011

Al-Jazeera's news report on Murdoch, Apple & NASA

My article for The Star Metro 21st July 2011

Thursday Musings

July

Praise God

Talk less, listen harder

Say whatttt?

14072011

=(

Daphne bakes her own Macarons with Redribbon Days

Renovation and Stress Part 2

Renovations & Stress

I don't want to be sad anymore

Adele Rolling in the Deep

Both Sides Now

An inspiring artist - Beyonce

Bed of roses it is not

Saved by 'baby bump'

My article for The Junior Academy

Please Read

Need a new Sofa?

The Truth About White Lies

Different Spin - Pregnancy Woes

Lend a Hand to Japan Bake Sale

Choppity Chop says Bel

My last FHM cover shoot

A forum with RPK & Nurul Izzah in Australia recently

I feel for Veena

Looks DO Matter

I've got my mummy blog!

Thank you for your wishes

Not Gonna Cry - Mary J Blige

One

Gong Xi Fa Chai everyone

God is Great

Boost your day with 'Bella'

I wanna grow old with you...

Date rapes can occur even with someone you know and trust

Beggin

Happy Birthday Mum!

Tuk Tuk experience in India

Pe-chak-cha?

Catch Bella on ntv7

Jawablah!: Ditukar, bukan diberhentikan Oleh Farihad Shalla Mahmud farihad@bharian.com.my 2011/01/05

formspring.me

Taj Mahal clip Part 2

Golden triangle shots

Taj Mahal clip Part 1

Imperfections

It will get better in time

Jawablah!: Ditukar, bukan diberhentikan
Oleh Farihad Shalla Mahmud
farihad@bharian.com.my
2011/01/05